No-One Expects The Spammish Inquisition!

6 comments March 1st, 2005at 08:24pm Posted by Eli

Our chief weapon is surprise. Surprise, and gibberish. Surprise, gibberish, and- I’ll come in again.

Godawful and useless as spam normally is, it does have some halfway decent entertainment potential. For example, there is Spamusement, which harnesses the power of spam to generate… really badly-drawn but hilarious cartoons.

And then there is one of the internet’s most purely dada-ist art forms, random word spam, in which words with absolutely no relation to each other are just thrown together for no apparent reason. I got one at work today which I found particularly entertaining, and figured, hey, why selfishly deny the rest of the world the simple joy that it brought me?

Subject: Wonderful night of love after 15 minutes! menelaus tyson

(Immediately I assume this is something about a very short courtship with an unstable ancient Greek boxer, but alas, it is not to be)

locution all virtual church pepsico and turbid position so nehru marmalade preserve

Well. That wasn’t what I was expecting at all. It draws me in with the Greek boxer sex, and now all of a sudden it’s sex with Hindu jelly. And in the Electronic Church Of Pepsi, no less. As soon as I figure out what the hell they’re selling, I’m taking my business elsewhere.

Entry Filed under: Spamoptikon


  • 1. 'yeti  |  March 1st, 2005 at 10:50 pm

    Oh goodness… I thought you were going to talk about the other kind of spam there for a moment. You have no idea what it’s like to live down the highway from the SPAM plant here in Minnesota. Not all that ashamed to say I’ve never been to the official SPAM museum… ;)

  • 2. watertiger  |  March 1st, 2005 at 11:28 pm

    I’m partial to the ones with names consisting of two words pulled out of the dictionary at random, and a middle initial thrown in, “for veracity.”

    To wit:

    Decommission K. Skylight
    Vienna O. Isolates

  • 3. Eli  |  March 2nd, 2005 at 12:06 am

    If I were ever passing through Minnnesota, you can be sure I would have to stop at the SPAMuseum.

    They don’t send you a bunch of stuff in the mail, do they?

    Ooo yeah, the Surreal J. Boxcar names rock. Menelaus Tyson’s not bad, but they did forget the middle initial, probably because the ancient Greeks didn’t have them.

  • 4. oldwhitelady  |  March 2nd, 2005 at 8:49 pm

    I thought, maybe, you forwarded it on to some of your friends. I guess not. Well, I guess you read the Spam mail so we don’t have to? Somewhat like V watches the movies so we don’t have to?

  • 5. Eli  |  March 2nd, 2005 at 10:28 pm

    Would you like me to start forwarding you my spam? That can be arranged, I’m sure.

  • 6. ellroon  |  March 3rd, 2005 at 5:35 pm

    Lol! Thank you for making me laugh at my spam. I am always being invited to impress women and enlarge my thingie…which just confuses this hetero woman and makes her children laugh.

    But as for random word spam, I always thought they were created from a battered copy of Webster’s Dictionary used by frightened Chinese prisoners being threatened with a hanging vat of boiling egg drop soup to come up with something vaguely tempting to make the weird Americans not click the delete button.

    So darn. I will delete with no sympathy now.

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