Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

3 comments May 31st, 2006at 07:44am Posted by Eli

Weekly World News asks: Are James Carville and Bat Boy kin?

BAT BOY has hundreds of living relatives in America — and famed Democratic strategist James Carville is probably one of them!

(snip)

While outspoken Carville — nicknamed the “Ragin’ Cajun” — is famous for being hyper-aggressive, no one has questioned his place in the human species before.

“This news is bound to rattle Carville,” says a Democratic party source. “If he and his wife Mary Matalin — a staunch Republican — weren’t worried about how their kids would turn out before, they’ve got to be now.”

HERE, from the expert, are 10 traits Bat Boy appears to share with his human kinfolk:

1. Bald, misshapen head.

2. Frightening, sharp toothed grin.

3. Comes from the South. “Like Bat Boy, who first surfaced in West Virginia, most of his relatives are found in the South,” notes Dr. Hensky. “Mr. Carville was born in Louisiana.”

4. Flails arms wildly when excited.

5. Combative. Like Bat Boy, who’s bitten dozens of people, Carville relishes a good fight.

6. Weird, cackling laugh.

7. Super-acute hearing. CNN staffers have learned not to bad-mouth Carville behind his back.

8. Physical agility.

9. Dog-like loyalty. “While other Clinton cronies ducked for cover during Monica-gate, Carville stood by his man,” Dr. Hensky observes.

10. Navigates in dark. Carville often wears sunglasses at night.

God, I love these people. This sort of thing is why I used to have a subscription.

Belated hat tip to the shadowy and mysterious Codename V. for tipping me off to the WWN online.

Entry Filed under: Politics,Wankers,Weekly World News

3 Comments

  • 1. four legs good  |  May 31st, 2006 at 12:59 pm

    Excellent.

  • 2. Phila  |  May 31st, 2006 at 7:15 pm

    Eli,

    I just wanted you to know that I’ve outed you in retaliation for your outrageous behavior at my blog.

  • 3. Eli  |  May 31st, 2006 at 7:19 pm

    Yes, I saw that. It would have been much more impressive if the first two links had worked. Stoopit moonbat, now you’re even more pwn3d.


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