Archive for August 24th, 2006

Slow News Day, Baseball Edition


Pluto has been sent down.

It was only a matter of time.

Small body, never got hot, kind of distant.

Astronomers made the decision at their version of the winter meetings, the International Astronomical Union in Prague. The news was announced to inhabitants of our own planet on Thursday, possibly the biggest news story in our lives (think about it) but a crushing blow to the hopes and dreams of the little guy.


Pluto is now officially a “dwarf planet”…. Relatively speaking, it only had a cup of coffee in the big leagues. It was discovered in 1930 by a birds-eye scout named Clyde Tombaugh. But Pluto had its chances, coming back year after year just like a Major League Baseball season.

It could never be Mercury, leading off and constantly hot. Venus was all about love and self-sacrifice, a natural 2 spot in the order. Earth, the prototypical No. 3 hitter, the ultimate fantasy pick, the people’s choice. Mars, the oft-feared big red machine. Jupiter always had the sweet spot in the lineup. Having Saturn in the order always meant a ring. Uranus, always the team prankster and playing jokes to keep it fun.

Year after year, Pluto tried to leap past Neptune at the end of the order. Because of its eccentric orbit, Pluto actually was able to reach closer to the sun than Neptune during a portion of its orbit. But again and again, Neptune, the savvy veteran (discovered in 1846), would deny the kid. Pluto never really had a legitimate chance.


Pluto, it’s been nice knowing you. The former planet will now hang out with its closest friend, and moon, Charon. They’re sure to forever spin yarns about how Pluto once played in the bigs.

Crikey. Who thought that was a good idea? They called Mars “the big red machine,” fachrissake!

2 comments August 24th, 2006 at 09:47pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Science,Sports

Joe. Must. Go. NOW.

He’s not even pretending to be a Democrat now:

Because nobody could have predicted it – Joe Lieberman will be campaigning with GOP candidates Jodi Rell and Rob Simmons today at the Groton sub base (the one that Holy Joe claims to have singlehandedly saved). Simmons, you’ll remember, is the GOP candidate running against Democrat Joe Courtney for one of those hotly contested Connecticut House seats. You know, the ones where the Democrat is supposed to be helped by Lieberman’s indy bid, right?

This is completely, utterly unacceptable. This is Joe Lieberman, who claims to be a “petitioning Democrat” (whatever that means), actively campaigning against a Democratic majority. This goes waaaay beyond “bipartisanship” or “centrism” or any of those other cute little DLC codewords for kicking the ball into your own net.

Joe has made it crystal clear where his allegiance lies, just as Zell Miller did when he delivered the keystone address at the 2004 Republican convention. He is all but daring Harry Reid to strip him of his seniority, and all but daring Chuck Schumer and other prominent Democrats to actively campaign against him.

I really, really do not know what they’re waiting for. Is Rahm Emanuel on the phone screaming at Schumer and Reid, or is he shaking his head, chuckling ruefully and saying, “Oh, that Joe – what a scamp! Who knows what wacky idea he’ll come up with next?” Someone needs to deliver a figurative horse’s head to Joe’s figurative bed, and soon.

5 comments August 24th, 2006 at 01:35pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Favorites,Lieberman,Politics,Wankers

Reviews On A Blog

The best reviewer on the internets reviews The Greatest Movie Of All Time.

Go read it, people.

1 comment August 24th, 2006 at 08:00am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies

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