Archive for October 4th, 2006

One More Quick Foley Comment (Maybe)

The Foley scandal is just like everything else the Bush Republicans have done over the past five years, but repackaged for the Jerry Springer audience.

Hopefully they’ll get it now.

4 comments October 4th, 2006 at 09:38pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Favorites,Foley,Media,Politics,Republicans

Tough Guys And Narrative Dissonance

I don’t usually post more than once or twice on the same topic, other than maybe The Genius That Is The Weekly World News, but the Foliasco is just a goldmine of material, and I keep finding new aspects and angles on it.

The latest thought that’s occurred to me is the idea of narrative dissonance – that this scandal makes it much harder for Republicans to maintain their illusions about themselves and the party they have triple-duct-taped themselves to.

I think there are basically two primary types of die-hard Republican true believers at this point. There’s the tough guys who fancy themselves like Extra-Special Agent Jack Bauer on “24”, ruthless and steely-eyed, willing to do absolutely anything to achieve their ends (or more accurately, have absolutely anything done on their behalf), and so what if there’s a little lawbreaking or collateral damage along the way. These are the same people who hung out with the school bully as kids, or wanted to, so they could feel tough by association. Of course, they see liberals and Democrats as weak, ineffectual hand-wringers who want to hold them back with nitpicky insistence on obeying stupid trivial little laws like FISA and the Geneva Conventions and the Constitution.

And then there’s the Kool-Aid Khristians (mostly fundies/evangelicals), who believe that Bush in particular, and the Republicans in general, are Good Christian Men fighting the good fight against the Godless Heathen Liberals who believe in Evolution and want to force everyone to have gay sex and abortions (if you’re virulently anti-abortion, wouldn’t that make gay sex kind of a good thing?), and against the terrorists who want… well, pretty much the same things the fundies want, but they give God a funny name.

Most of the horrible things the Republicans have done are not at all horrible to these groups. Torture, warrantless wiretapping, indefinite detention without trial, outing a CIA agent? Necessary hardball tactics, perfectly justified against The Enemy. Suppressing science, denying equal rights to gays, banning abortion in all circumstances, even in the case of incest or rape or life-threatening conditions? That’s just upholding God’s covenant on Earth. The various corruption scandals are a little trickier for them to reconcile, but I think the true believers from both camps have been able to tell themselves that’s just The Way Things Work in Washington, everyone knows it, even if no-one admits it. They’re just doing what they have to do to keep protecting us from islamofascists and progressofascists (I might need to tweak that second one, it sounds too much like “Soup Nazis”).

But a congressman sexually harassing (at the least) underage pages? Everyone knows real Tough Guys would take him out back and work him over with a tire iron, not look the other way and pass the buck and make lame excuses. And it sure as hell doesn’t fit in with the religious right’s hyper-moralism either (I’m not entirely sure what the right-wing Christian equivalent of the tire iron would be…).

In other words, what the Foley scandal has done is made it much much harder for Republican voters to self-identify as belonging to either a party of Manly Tough Guy Badasses or Saintly Angels Who Walk The Earth. Might not be enough to get them to vote Democrat, but it might be enough to keep them home on Election Day, which may be all we need.

5 comments October 4th, 2006 at 10:00am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Favorites,Foley,Politics,Republicans,Wankers

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

The Weekly World News makes it official:

Attention all sports teams and their supporters, those who pray to God before each game for victory:

“The Supreme Being told us he regrets that He can no longer devote time to deciding which team is worthy of winning a sporting contest,” said Jeremiah Gottlieb, a spokesman for Unified Voice, an organization that claims to get messages directly from God.

Gottlieb said the Almighty entrusted him with this message after a recent highschool football game between Erasmus High and Dan Quayle High.
“Both teams prayed to Him before the game, which is not unusual. But God said, ‘There are great kids on both teams. How am I supposed to pick a favorite?’

“God also said He has nothing to do with who wins an Emmy, a Tony or a Good Citizenship award from the local Rotary Club.

“Frankly, to use a metaphor, God doesn’t want to take His eye off the ball,” Gottlieb said. “Which is more important, directing a 15-yearold’s field goal kick through the uprights or looking after an island being slammed by a hurricane?”

“I thought God could do everything,” said weeping 15-year-old field goal kicker Bobby L. O’Heem after missing a game-losing kick. “I guess next time I’ll just have to help myself.”

“Bobby L. O’Heem.” Heh.

2 comments October 4th, 2006 at 07:33am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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