Archive for January 8th, 2007

Help Me Out Here

He looks really familiar, but I’m having trouble identifying who this is singing at Woodstock, because he’s so young.

I think I’ve narrowed it down to Joe Lieberman, David Broder, Joe Klein, or maybe Richard Cohen, but I could be way off. Can someone please help jog my memory?

3 comments January 8th, 2007 at 07:49pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Politics,Wankers

Simple Answers To Simple Questions

Lieberman Edition:

Given what [Susan] Collins had to say about the Senators’ discussions with commanders, you have to conclude that it’s perfectly possible that [Oliver] North, of all people, is being more candid here than Lieberman is. And that possibility is a pretty astonishing one, isn’t it?


(h/t Atrios)

January 8th, 2007 at 07:18pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Politics,Wankers

Quick Surge Question

If “as the Iraqis stand up, we will stand down,” what does it mean that we’re the ones doing the additional standing up?

It almost looks like a tacit admission that the Iraq situation is going in the opposite direction of what it was supposed to be, but surely that’s unpossible.

January 8th, 2007 at 06:07pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Politics

Eli’s Obsession With The Google

On the first page of blog search results for masturbation soldiers.

You laugh, but if deployed properly they can be absolutely devastating to enemy morale.

Maybe this is the “surge” we so desperately need.

UPDATE: Also the #1 search result for an unauthorized scientological pageant.

3 comments January 8th, 2007 at 03:27pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Eli's Obsession With The Google

Timeless Wisdom Of The Ancient Spam Lords

This stuff is going to make me the most enlightened mofo on the planet.

A chess board self-flagellates, because the cashier pours freezing cold water on a bartender.

A fraction living with a diskette is hardly slow.

The polygon sanitizes a pit viper. Another globule is Alaskan.

Casey’s Canadians did rodeo clowns and police!as usual, that woman gave birth to the men! A chess board self-flagellates, because the cashier pours freezing cold water on a bartender.

Notice how it comes around full circle to the self-flagellating chessboard. That shit is PROFOUND.

January 8th, 2007 at 02:39pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Favorites,Spamoptikon

Inadvertently Revealing Front-Page Headline Of The Week

Conservatives Decry Laws

Conservatives who supported President Bush’s reelection have joined liberal groups in expressing outrage over his administration’s broad use of anti-terrorism laws to reject asylum for thousands of people seeking refuge from religious, ethnic and political persecution.

The critics say the administration’s interpretation of provisions mandating denial of asylum to individuals who give “material support” to terrorist groups is so broad that foreigners who fought alongside U.S. forces in wars such as Vietnam can be denied asylum on the grounds that they provided aid to terrorists.

Advocates for refugees add that people who were forced to aid terrorist fighters at gunpoint could be labeled as supporters and turned away; such cases include a nurse who was abducted and told to treat a guerrilla fighter in Colombia and a woman in Liberia who said her father was killed and she was raped and forced to stand by as rebels occupied her home for several days.

“This is so indefensible,” said Michael Horowitz, a fellow at the conservative Hudson Institute and a former lawyer in the Reagan administration. “It is causing heroes who fought for the United States to be afraid of being deported.”

“It’s outrageous,” said Barrett Duke, vice president of public policy for the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission. “I think it’s essentially a reaction of fear to the current terrorist danger.” The language in the laws, he added, is “a knee-jerk reaction.”

Gary L. Bauer, president of American Values, a conservative public policy group, said the anti-terrorism thrust of laws such as the USA Patriot Act and the Real ID Act is supported by most conservatives, “but the enforcement of it has lapsed into ludicrousy. The concept of material support is being distorted, and even the definition of the term ‘terrorism’ is being turned on its ear.” [This was too heartless and extreme for Gary Bauer??? Also, everyone knows that “ludicrousy” is not a word. The correct term is “ludicrosity.”]


[Lam Kim] was jailed for two years after arriving in the United States in 2004, and her asylum request was rejected by an immigration judge. “If I go back to Burma,” she said softly over the telephone, “I have to give my life. I am not terrorist. I say it not fair.”

A Colombian nurse living in California who declined to give her name said she was abducted by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) outside Bogota and forced to treat one of their soldiers. She fled Colombia with her daughter in 2000 after her life was threatened in a note to her family. Her asylum request was rejected last year.

“I had no option,” she said. “What will happen if I go back? I will be killed. They look for people. They know when they arrive at the airport. They have names.”


“I will completely own up to wishing we had done more, but it’s a big department,” [Homeland Security advisory committee chairman Paul Rosenzweig] said….

Jennifer Daskal, a program director for Human Rights Watch [said,] “The administration presented a proposal… and basically said, ‘Trust us.’ It’s been two years, and the administration hasn’t done a whole lot to instill confidence.”

Wow, where have we heard that before…

Based on the front-page headline (as opposed to the more correct article headline), I really thought that the story would be about conservatives finally taking Bush policies to their logical conclusion and rejecting their obligation to obey U.S. laws in general. But it’s actually sort of heartening to know that even hard-core conservatives are uncomfortable with some (repeat, some) of the administration’s crueler policies. Why, they almost sound compassionate, even.

1 comment January 8th, 2007 at 12:52pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Media,Politics,Wankers,War

Great Moments In American History

Thankyou. Thankyouverymuch.

This isn’t exactly newsworthy, but it’s something that’s always tickled me.

The meeting between two of the most improbable cultural icons of the 1970s lasted all of 30 minutes, but it has fascinated the nation for years.

A photo of a cloaked and bejeweled Elvis Presley solemnly shaking hands with a grim-faced President Nixon remains the No. 1 requested document from the National Archives, nearly four decades after the secret meeting took place on Dec. 21, 1970.

Now, on what would be the King’s 72nd birthday, the Richard Nixon Presidential Library & Birthplace is giving the curious public a good, long look at the relics of the coming together of The King and The President — and it’s got Elvis fans all shook up.

The free exhibit Monday includes the outfit Elvis wore (a black velvet overcoat, a gold-plated belt and black leather boots); Nixon’s outfit (a gray woolen suit, tie and size 11 1/2 black shoes); letters; and a World War II .45-caliber Colt revolver that Elvis gave to Nixon.

”The two of them together somehow is almost incomprehensible,” said Bud Krogh, Nixon’s former deputy counsel who set up the impromptu meeting that day 36 years ago. ”The king of rock and the president of the United States shaking hands in the Oval Office doesn’t compute for a lot of people.”

The chain of events that led to the meeting began when a stretch limousine carrying Elvis pulled up outside the White House. One of his guards handed over a letter from Elvis addressed to Nixon requesting a meeting to discuss how the rock star could help Nixon fight drugs — including getting credentials as a ”federal agent at large.”

”I will be here as long as it takes to get the credentials of a Federal Agent,” Elvis wrote. ”I have done an in-depth study of drug abuse and Communist brainwashing techniques and I am right in the middle of the whole thing where I can and will do the most good.”


About 2 1/2 hours later, Elvis walked into the Oval Office wearing his flamboyant outfit, as well as sunglasses and two huge medallions….

Elvis and Nixon talked for about 30 minutes, during which Elvis showed Nixon pictures of his daughter and a pair of cufflinks given to him by Spiro Agnew. He also showed Nixon police badges from around the country and asked again for a badge from the U.S. Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.


”Oh man, we were set up! But it was fun,” said Krogh. ”He said all the right words about trying to do the right thing and I took him at his word, but I think he clearly wanted to get a badge and he knew the only way he was going to get it.”

There’s really nothing I can add to this.

1 comment January 8th, 2007 at 12:46pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weirdness

Monday Media Blogging

This is another video that I thought was gone forever. A friend of mind had a bunch of brilliant short videos of mysterious origins at the end of an SCTV tape, which I was never able to determine the exact provenance of, much less obtain copies of. Until now.

This is the brilliantest of them all, a parody of 50’s sex-ed films, and one of Paul Reubens’ finest moments. “Aw, that stuff’s strictly squaresville. I know how to handle chicks!”

3 comments January 8th, 2007 at 07:21am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Favorites,Monday Media Blogging

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