Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

4 comments January 10th, 2007at 07:19am Posted by Eli

Oh my:

Glen Ordneau’s striking resemblance to almost all voodoo dolls has brought him decades of agony–a condition only recently addressed by a skeptical medical community.

“We are combating some of the external conditions with moisturizing conditioner for his strawlike hair and body butter for his burlap-like skin,” said Dr. Stilton Warnes, a cosmetic surgeon at Sidleigh Hospital. “But we’ll have to resort to surgery and skin grafts to correct his pillowy limbs, stubby neck, and the birthmarks over his heart, liver, and other major curse zones.”

(…)

Ordneau’s black, button-round eyes teared-up as he recalled the discovery of his illness as a youth. “I was traveling with my parents, who bought me a voodoo doll in a New Orleans gift shop,” he said. “On our flight back from Louisiana, a pen broke in my carry-on and I turned royal blue for a week. That was the first clue.”

Despite Mr. Ordneau’s declining health, doctors have postponed his surgery until further tests can be conducted. “Well, he looks like a giant voodoo doll,” Dr. Warnes observed. “We’re a little hesitant to start sticking needles in him.”

It’s a tragic story, really. Thank God this poor man is finally getting some help.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

4 Comments

  • 1. charley  |  January 10th, 2007 at 11:50 am

    voodoo monkeys!

    nice nyc photos. i like the canopies and the whole end of the world vibe.

    it will all seem better tonite, after “The Planner” reveals “The Plan.” oh boy, i can’t wait.

    you do have your doll ready, right?

  • 2. Eli  |  January 10th, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    Thanks, charley. The canopies really clicked for me for some reason.

    I’m looking forward to hearing Bush unconvincingly shovel the same old pseudo-resolute bullshit, and then all the pundits talking about what a brilliant masterful job The Convincer did.

    Would that be a voodub doll?

  • 3. Silleigh  |  January 10th, 2007 at 7:29 pm

    Did I ever tell you it was your fault I actually bought one of these a few months ago?

    It was fun. Some day I’ll buy another. I would never have realized it was something other than a lurid gossip mag without you steering me in the correct direction, culturally speaking.

  • 4. Eli  |  January 10th, 2007 at 10:33 pm

    I had a subscription for about a year, about 15 years ago, before the publisher died and they got all kinder and gentler.


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