A Denial-Driven Life

2 comments February 6th, 2007at 03:21pm Posted by Eli

Huzzah!

One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is ”completely heterosexual.”

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday’s edition.

”He is completely heterosexual,” Ralph said. ”That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn’t a constant thing.”

I have absolutely no idea what that is supposed to mean.

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

Interesting. Apparently as long as you limit your same-sex encounters to just one person, that doesn’t make you gay. So I guess Brokeback Mountain was just another cowboy movie.

Now that he has a clean bill of health, newly-affirmed heterosexual Haggard and wife are ready to move forward with their lives:

Haggard said… that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master’s degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn’t decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.

”This is a good place for Ted,” Ware said. ”It’s hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It’s like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed.”

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

No sense taking chances, right?

Okay, so… secular work and psychology degrees – does anyone else see Father Ted and Mrs. Ted going into the gay deprogramming business?

Entry Filed under: Religion,Republicans,Teh Gay

2 Comments

  • 1. spocko  |  February 9th, 2007 at 12:37 am

    Great, give them the perfect idea for a moneymaking life after the controversy.

    What should I do to make teh money after I’m outed? Adviser to Disney?

  • 2. Eli  |  February 9th, 2007 at 12:40 am

    Teach people how not to be Vulcans any more?


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