Sweet Jesus, I Hate Maureen Dowd

6 comments February 28th, 2007at 07:41am Posted by Eli

Structurally, she appears to be talking up Al Gore, yet everything she says ridicules and belittles him.

The best ex-president who was never president could make one of the most interesting campaigns in American history even more interesting. Will he use his green moment on the red carpet in black tie to snag blue states and win the White House?

Ooo, look at that clever thing she did with all the colors!

Only the Goracle knows the answer.

The Goracle? Jebus.

The man who was prescient on climate change, the Internet, terrorism and Iraq admitted that maybe his problem had been that he was too far ahead of the curve. He realized at a conference that “there’re ideas that are mature, ideas that are maturing, ideas that are past their prime … and a category called ‘predawn.’

“And all of a sudden it hit me,” he told John Heilemann of New York magazine last year. “Most of my political career was spent investing in predawn ideas! I thought, Oh, that’s where I went wrong.”

So far, so good, right?

As Mr. Gore basked Sunday night in the adoration of Leo, Laurie David and the rest of the Hollywood hybrid-drivers, Democrats wondered: Is this chubby guy filling out the Ralph Lauren three-piece tuxedo a mature idea or an idea that’s past its prime?

HAHAHA! Al Gore’s fat fat fatty fat! HAHAHAHAHA! And probably over-the-hill, too!

If he waits long enough to get into the race, all the usual-suspect-consultants will be booked – which would be a boon for Mr. Gore, since his Hessian strategists in 2000 made him soft-pedal the environment, the very issue that makes him seem most passionate and authentic. The same slides about feedback loops and the interconnectedness of weather patterns that made his image-makers yawn just won his movie an Academy Award.

I actually kinda like her point here, but there is more than enough evidence that the supply of incompetent Democratic consultants is all but infinite.

Mr. Gore must be pleased that he’s been vindicated on so many fronts, yet it still must rankle the Nobel Peace Prize nominee to hear the White House spouting such dangerous nonsense. He must sometimes imagine how much safer the world would be if he were president.The Bush-Cheney years have been all about dragging the country into the past, getting back the presidential powers yanked away after Watergate, settling scores from Poppy Bush’s old war, and suppressing scientific and environmental advances. Instead of aiming for the stars, the greatest power on earth is bogged down in poorly navigated conflicts with ancient tribes and brutes in caves.

Good, good…

Surely the Goracle, an aficionado of futurism, must stew about all the time and money and good will that has been wasted with a Vietnam replay and a scolding social policy designed to expunge the Age of Aquarius.

When he’s finished Web surfing, tweaking his PowerPoint and BlackBerrying, what goes through his head? Does he blame himself? Does he blame the voting machines? Ralph Nader? Robert Shrum? Naomi Wolf? How about Bush Inc. and Clinton Inc.?

“The Goracle” is a smart guy, MoDo. So he probably blames YOU. (HAHAHA! Al Gore’s a techno-nerd! HAHAHAHAHA!)

With the red carpet rolled up, the tux at the cleaner’s, and the gold statuette on the director’s mantle, not his, the Goracle is at his Nashville mansion, contemplating how to broker his next deal. Will he cast himself as the savior of the post-Bush era, or will the first Gore in the Oval Office be Karenna, mother of Oscar?

Yes, it’s all just like making a movie; everything is image with The Goracle, and nothing is real. Once again, MoDo apparently makes the mistake of believing that everyone is as shallow and cynical as she is.

It is almost impossible to read a MoDo column without cringing. She’s so in love with showing off what a snarky and jaded Mean Girl she is, that she’s become almost incapable of expressing a serious, honest idea. I think maybe she needs to have a long talk with Deathlok the pacifist cyborg.

Entry Filed under: Democrats,Elections,Media,Politics,Wankers


  • 1. Glenn  |  February 28th, 2007 at 8:12 am

    Since nytimes.com went partially commercial, and I, therefore, stopped reading Maureen Dowd, life has been quite … real, thank you. I find I do not miss the snarky wise-asses that once cluttered my life. There are so many functioning, thoughtful intellects out there to occupy my time.

  • 2. Eli  |  February 28th, 2007 at 8:47 am

    I was probably happier before I ponied up the $50. But now I can read Krugman and Rich and Herbert whenever I want, plus Dick Cavett and the occasional sports column.

  • 3. Glenn  |  February 28th, 2007 at 10:54 am

    Cavett is writing for them? I may have to shell out the dough, after all. I do miss the other trinity, too.

  • 4. Eli  |  February 28th, 2007 at 11:01 am

    Yeah, if you check out the Select links on the right of the Op-Ed page, Dick Cavett is there. It’s kind of a blog version of Cavett’s great anecdotes.

  • 5. bdr  |  February 28th, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    The world would be so much safer with him as president if, perhaps, Dowd hadn’t spent so many gleeful columns creating and echoing the memes that the right noise machine farted against him.

    Those memes are all in this column, just dressed-up nice. Gore decides to run? He’s “too far ahead of the curve?” Sweet Mo, imagine how she’ll turn that phrase to his disadvantage.

  • 6. Eli  |  February 28th, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    Exactly. She’s utterly contemptible.

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