Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

2 comments February 21st, 2007at 07:37am Posted by Eli

Is there such a thing as too many standardized tests?

Faced with rising violence among our nation’s youth, the American Psychological Consortium has released a new test designed to red flag future Red Skulls.

“Parents of gifted children face many challenges, especially when their little ones’ cognitive talents bend toward world domination,” said consortium spokeswoman Deborah Loeb. “Our new Stanford-Binet Evil Genius Exam will help them to pinpoint budding megalomaniacs — or even the non-megalo kind.”

Dr. Loeb has given Weekly World News a set of sample questions:

1. VERBAL REASONING

Which of the following best completes the sentence: “You, Mr. Bond, will see your friends soon — ” ?

a) “in Jamaica.”
b) “in Prison.”
c) (maniacal laughter)

2. (OUTER) SPATIAL RELATIONS

Gamma Cephei is:

a) a red dwarf star
b) the location of the first confirmed extrasolar planet
c) a base of operations from which you will crush the governments of Earth.

3. MATH AND LOGIC

555-1212 is a:

a) phone number.
b) bank account.
c) nuclear launch code.

4. VERBAL CLASSIFICATION

Which of the following is closest to the definition of ‘mercy’?

a) pulchritude
b) magnanimity
c) I don’t know the meaning of the word.

SCORING

The number of ‘C’ answers determines your Iniquity Quotient (IQ). For each ‘C’ answer, add 40 points to your IQ score.

Give yourself an Inquity Bonus of 50 points if you fled the test at any point in an escape pod.

0-40 Dim Exemplar.
40-80 Astute Ruffian.
80-120 Rotten Egghead.
120 and above: EVIL GENIUS

This could really help with vocational guidance – maybe some of these at-risk kids could be steered into reality television instead of talk radio or government.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

2 Comments

  • 1. Mary  |  February 21st, 2007 at 10:58 am

    ROFL –

    I see prep classes. With one of those scarey Chertoff, The Undead, pics on the glossy pamphlets.

  • 2. Eli  |  February 21st, 2007 at 3:09 pm

    And the movie, “The Deadly Poets Society”.


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