Archive for April 14th, 2007

Signs Of The End Times

Oh my.

Conservative pundit-turned-MSNBC anchor Tucker Carlson is launching yet another new career: gameshow host.

Carlson has been tapped to host “Do You Trust Me?,” the quizzer format Phil Gurin (“The Weakest Link”) is piloting for CBS (Daily Variety, March 14). Format revolves around strangers forced to put their trust in one another.

In other news, Dick Cheney has agreed to be a guest host on Fear Factor, Tom DeLay has confirmed as the new host of The Price Is Right, and industry insiders are hopeful that Scooter Libby will appear as a contestant on Let’s Make A Deal.

(video courtesy of the shadowy and mysterious Codename M; story courtesy of Paddy)

1 comment April 14th, 2007 at 10:06pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Republicans,Weirdness

Son Of The Revenge Of The Return Of Oakland Photoblogging

Not ready to post anything substantive just yet, so here are some more Oakland photos:

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Reflection in a coffeeshop window. Kinda Escheresque, I think.

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Part of a sculpture.

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Most of the sculpture, with Pitt’s Cathedral Of Learning in the background. Yes, it’s really called that.

2 comments April 14th, 2007 at 01:41pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Photoblogging,Pittsburgh

Maher Like This, Please.

Bill Maher has a great rant in [looks at watch] yesterday’s Salon:

You know how whenever there’s a major Bush administration scandal it always traces back to some incompetent political hack appointment and you think to yourself, “Where are they getting these screw-ups from?” Well, now we know: from Pat Robertson. I wish I were kidding, but I’m not. Take Monica Goodling, who before she resigned last week because of the U.S. attorneys scandal, was the third most powerful official in the Justice Department of the United States. Thirty-three, and though she had never even worked as a prosecutor, she was tasked with overseeing the job performance of all 95 U.S. attorneys. How do you get to be such a top dog at 33? By acing Harvard, or winning scholarship prizes? No, Goodling did her undergraduate work at Messiah College… and then went on to attend Pat Robertson’s law school.

I’m not kidding, Pat Robertson, the man who said gay people at DisneyWorld would cause “earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor,” has a law school. It’s called Regent. Regent University School of Law…. You see, years ago Pat became concerned that our legal system was coddling criminals, forgiving them instead of meting out that Old Testament “eye for an eye” justice Jesus Christ never shuts up about. So Pat did what any red-blooded, Hindu-hating, gay-baiting, glue-sniffing Christian would do: He started his own law school. And what kid wouldn’t want to attend? It’s three years and you only have to read one book. The school says its mission is to create an army of evangelical lawyers, integrating the Bible and public policy, and producing graduates that provide “Christian leadership to change the world.” Presumably from round back to flat.

U.S. News and World Report, which does the definitive ranking of colleges, lists Regent as a tier-four school, which is the lowest score it gives. It’s not a hard school to get into. You have to renounce Satan and draw a pirate on a matchbook. This is for the people who couldn’t get into the University of Phoenix.

But there’s more! As there inevitably is with the Bush administration. Turns out she’s not the only one. Since 2001, 150 graduates of Regent University have been hired by the Bush administration. And people wonder why things are so screwed up. Hell, we probably invaded Iraq because one of these clowns read the map wrong. Forget religion for a second, we’re talking about a top Justice Department official who went to a college founded by a TV host. Would you send your daughter to Maury Povich University? And if you did, would you expect her to get a job at the White House? I’d be surprised if she got a job on the “Maury” show….

So there you have it: It turns out that the Justice Department is entirely staffed with Jesus freaks from a televangelist diploma mill in Virginia Beach. Most of them young women with very little knowledge of the law, but a very strong sense of doing what they’re told. Like the Manson family, but with cleaner hair. In 200 years we’ve gone from… the best and brightest to dumb and dumber. And, come on, America is a big, well-known, first-rate country, and when we’re looking for people to help run it, we should aim higher than the girl who answers the phone at the fake abortion clinic. It’s not just that this president has surrounded himself with a Texas echo chamber of war criminals and religious fanatics. It’s that they’re sooooo mediocre. This is America. We should be getting robbed and fucked over by the best.

Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, D-R.I., asked at a hearing, “Should we be concerned with the experience level of the people who are making these highly significant decisions?” But in the Bush administration experience doesn’t matter. All that matters is loyalty to Bush and Jesus, in that order. And where better to find people dumb enough to believe in George W. Bush than Pat Robertson’s law school. The problem here in America isn’t that the country is being run by elites. It’s that it’s being run by a bunch of hayseeds. And by the way, the lawyer Monica Goodling just hired to keep her ass out of jail went to a real law school.

Ouch. That’s one of the many amazing things about the Bush administration: They don’t even bother to look for qualified, competent hacks. Got a degree from a bottom-tier law school and no litigation experience, but you really really love Jesus and you think the Old Testament should be the basis for all our laws and government? You’re hired!

As with the current War Czar Search, I am reminded once again of the conflict between competence and loyalty. In BushCo, loyal employees always tell the bossman what he wants to hear; competent employees always tell him the truth (or at least their best estimate). Guess which kind of employee Dubya prefers? It seems to be mutual, too – the War Czar position is going unfilled because all the candidates know Dubya’s expectations are completely divorced from reality. The War Czar would never be allowed to have any independent thoughts that contradicted the President’s delusions, much less orchestrate a withdrawal. And he would shoulder all of the blame if everything collapsed completely.

8 comments April 14th, 2007 at 01:23am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Corruption/Cronyism,Politics,Republicans

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