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Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Add comment April 25th, 2007at 11:53am Posted by Eli

Another idea whose time has come:

Bank-vault maker Leigh Industries wants you to shower in safety — behind four hundred pounds of stainless-steel fiber.

“Our new Bath-os Shower Curtains resist soap scum, mold and knife-wielding psychotics,” said company chief Simon Wark.

Wark said that he expects his first customers will be motels.

“Mostly Gothic Victorian ones, on lonely rain-swept hills,” he said, adding that ordinary consumers might be put off by the hefty price tag and difficult installation.

“We’re still working on how to hang them from traditional plastic curtain rings,” Wark explained.

Weekly World News received a full demonstration of the shower defense system at the Gein Motor Lodge, off Route 99.

“If an intruder approaches the shower, the pressure-sensitive bathmat — sold separately — activates a screeching alarm,” Wark said. “But you’ll have already seen the trespasser on our shower head security camera — also sold separately — which shoots the bathroom from up to fifty angles and displays the photos on a special soap-on-a-rope.” The long-lasting soap with multiple video bubbles is also extra.”At any time, a bather can press the soap dish-mounted call button,” Wark went on. “The device can be programmed to connect to any phone number, so you can summon police, loved ones–or, if you’re so inclined, the Gein Lodge house specialty: casaba melon in chocolate syrup.”

Wark also noted that bodies are impossible to wrap up in the massive curtain, another deterrent for would-be murderers.

“Killers just can’t get a break,” Wark said. “Hence our slogan: ‘With our curtains, it’s never curtains for you.’”

You had me at the part about resisting mold and soap scum…

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