Maher Like This, Please.

8 comments April 14th, 2007at 01:23am Posted by Eli

Bill Maher has a great rant in [looks at watch] yesterday’s Salon:

You know how whenever there’s a major Bush administration scandal it always traces back to some incompetent political hack appointment and you think to yourself, “Where are they getting these screw-ups from?” Well, now we know: from Pat Robertson. I wish I were kidding, but I’m not. Take Monica Goodling, who before she resigned last week because of the U.S. attorneys scandal, was the third most powerful official in the Justice Department of the United States. Thirty-three, and though she had never even worked as a prosecutor, she was tasked with overseeing the job performance of all 95 U.S. attorneys. How do you get to be such a top dog at 33? By acing Harvard, or winning scholarship prizes? No, Goodling did her undergraduate work at Messiah College… and then went on to attend Pat Robertson’s law school.

I’m not kidding, Pat Robertson, the man who said gay people at DisneyWorld would cause “earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor,” has a law school. It’s called Regent. Regent University School of Law…. You see, years ago Pat became concerned that our legal system was coddling criminals, forgiving them instead of meting out that Old Testament “eye for an eye” justice Jesus Christ never shuts up about. So Pat did what any red-blooded, Hindu-hating, gay-baiting, glue-sniffing Christian would do: He started his own law school. And what kid wouldn’t want to attend? It’s three years and you only have to read one book. The school says its mission is to create an army of evangelical lawyers, integrating the Bible and public policy, and producing graduates that provide “Christian leadership to change the world.” Presumably from round back to flat.

U.S. News and World Report, which does the definitive ranking of colleges, lists Regent as a tier-four school, which is the lowest score it gives. It’s not a hard school to get into. You have to renounce Satan and draw a pirate on a matchbook. This is for the people who couldn’t get into the University of Phoenix.

But there’s more! As there inevitably is with the Bush administration. Turns out she’s not the only one. Since 2001, 150 graduates of Regent University have been hired by the Bush administration. And people wonder why things are so screwed up. Hell, we probably invaded Iraq because one of these clowns read the map wrong. Forget religion for a second, we’re talking about a top Justice Department official who went to a college founded by a TV host. Would you send your daughter to Maury Povich University? And if you did, would you expect her to get a job at the White House? I’d be surprised if she got a job on the “Maury” show….

So there you have it: It turns out that the Justice Department is entirely staffed with Jesus freaks from a televangelist diploma mill in Virginia Beach. Most of them young women with very little knowledge of the law, but a very strong sense of doing what they’re told. Like the Manson family, but with cleaner hair. In 200 years we’ve gone from… the best and brightest to dumb and dumber. And, come on, America is a big, well-known, first-rate country, and when we’re looking for people to help run it, we should aim higher than the girl who answers the phone at the fake abortion clinic. It’s not just that this president has surrounded himself with a Texas echo chamber of war criminals and religious fanatics. It’s that they’re sooooo mediocre. This is America. We should be getting robbed and fucked over by the best.

Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, D-R.I., asked at a hearing, “Should we be concerned with the experience level of the people who are making these highly significant decisions?” But in the Bush administration experience doesn’t matter. All that matters is loyalty to Bush and Jesus, in that order. And where better to find people dumb enough to believe in George W. Bush than Pat Robertson’s law school. The problem here in America isn’t that the country is being run by elites. It’s that it’s being run by a bunch of hayseeds. And by the way, the lawyer Monica Goodling just hired to keep her ass out of jail went to a real law school.

Ouch. That’s one of the many amazing things about the Bush administration: They don’t even bother to look for qualified, competent hacks. Got a degree from a bottom-tier law school and no litigation experience, but you really really love Jesus and you think the Old Testament should be the basis for all our laws and government? You’re hired!

As with the current War Czar Search, I am reminded once again of the conflict between competence and loyalty. In BushCo, loyal employees always tell the bossman what he wants to hear; competent employees always tell him the truth (or at least their best estimate). Guess which kind of employee Dubya prefers? It seems to be mutual, too – the War Czar position is going unfilled because all the candidates know Dubya’s expectations are completely divorced from reality. The War Czar would never be allowed to have any independent thoughts that contradicted the President’s delusions, much less orchestrate a withdrawal. And he would shoulder all of the blame if everything collapsed completely.

Entry Filed under: Bush,Corruption/Cronyism,Politics,Republicans


  • 1. Ruth  |  April 14th, 2007 at 3:08 pm

    It’s going to take a long time to get the executive branch cleaned out after the 2008 election. We should get started now.

  • 2. Eli  |  April 14th, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    Yep. The scary thing, as a bunch of FDLers have pointed out, is that a lot of them are career hires who cannot be removed without “cause”. We can clean out the USAs, but not the DoJ, unless we can find specific reasons.

  • 3. Interrobang  |  April 14th, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    I don’t usually read Salon, and I can’t usually stand Bill Maher (his woman-bashing gets on my nerves a bit), but ouch.

  • 4. Eli  |  April 14th, 2007 at 5:46 pm

    Maher may be a creep, but he sure does hit it out of the park sometimes…

  • 5. Sylvia  |  April 14th, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    Okay, whoa whoa whoa. I’m going to defend tier four schools. My law school is a tier four school. *watches as estimation for her blogging drops* Wait, wait — the reason it is a tier four school is our self-promotion. Our school has top rate professors who write professional papers and assist in policymaking for Maryland and beyond. Our clinical programs are in the top 20 across the nation. Our moot court teams have won regionals and nationals.

    That tangent aside, Pat Robertson is still kinda unhinged, and the sickening nepotistic air to White House hiring is still very suspect. So I think Maher’s definitely on point.

  • 6. Eli  |  April 15th, 2007 at 3:07 am

    *sadly removes Sylvia from blogroll*

  • 7. Sylvia  |  April 15th, 2007 at 5:01 pm

    Nooooooooooo! :( :( :(

  • 8. Eli  |  April 15th, 2007 at 5:08 pm

    Good thing for you I’m *incredibly* lazy.

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