Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

1 comment May 16th, 2007at 06:45am Posted by Eli

It appears I have something in common with ghosts:

“We see it again and again,” said Father Dale Pucci. “Ghostly accusations splattered across mirrors, dire warnings hewn in tombstones, and automatic writing scrawled during seances. These messages from the crypt are very important, yet they’re also unnecessarily cryptic.”

That is why Father Pucci has established a remedial handwriting class for ghosts at his church.

“This has nothing whatsoever to do with their skill as writers,” Father Pucci was quick to point out. “The dead usually compose very clever anagrams and riddles. And it’s not a reflection on the mediums, who have pretty good penmanship to start with.”

Father Pucci said that his class is mostly about soothing perturbed spirits with a watered-down version of the rite of exorcism.

“That has the dual purpose of serving as a house cleansing,” he winked. Armed only with only the liturgy, lined paper, and a consecrated ballpoint, Father Pucci and his colleagues have enjoyed marked success in improving the dead’s communciation skills.

“We’ve had at least a dozen wraiths we could see, and many more who moved chairs around — sometimes to the ceiling — but chose not to reveal themselves,” he said. “The bottom line is that in our haunted parish, you’ll rarely see a curse that’s not in cursive.”

Maybe I’m possessed…

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

1 Comment

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