Archive for July 4th, 2007

Mark Morford Is Not Happy.

That may be an understatement…

So there you have it. Bush shrugs and smirks and then commutes the easy soft-focus sit-on-your-ass-all-day-and-knit white-collar prison sentence of a hollow political lackey who, in turn, took a bullet for his sneering mafia thug of a boss, Dick Cheney, who in turn was complicit (along with lead flying monkey Karl Rove) in the appallingly illegal outing of a CIA operative, which itself was a tiny but particularly nasty link in the giant chain of lies and deceptions undertaken to lead our wary and tattered nation into an unwinnable impossible costly brutally violent war that will now last, if current estimates are correct, until the goddamn sun explodes.

You have to laugh. You have to laugh because if you do not laugh you will likely be overcome by a mad desire to stab yourself in the eye with a sharp feral cat and/or shoot yourself in the toe with a high-powered staple gun, over and over again, all while tearing out pages of the United States Constitution and crumpling them into tiny little balls and hurling them into the smoldering firepit of who-the-hell-cares as you shiver in the corner and swig from a bottle of Knob Creek and wail at the moon. Or maybe that’s just me.


All in all, you could say it’s much like a very bad episode of “The Sopranos,” all thick-minded thugs and boorish mafia tactics and the childish calling in of violent favors, all about ruthless loyalty at the expense of, well, everything else: humanity, integrity, decency, the will of the people. And there is Bush, the hollow figurehead, the smirking decider, with Cheney as the henchman, the hangman, the guy at the door with the black gloves and the baseball bat and the black van waiting outside.

Except wait a minute; in this endless episode, there’s no deeper sense of existential angst, no smart-tongued therapy sessions full of humor and revelation, no hint of greatness, no darkly heroic Tony Soprano character who transcends it all and suspects there is more to life than this world of blood and violence and war and even craves, somewhere in his soul, to find it.

OK, check that. It’s not “The Sopranos” at all. It’s more like a particularly noxious episode of “Mama’s Family,” all Neanderthal redneck inbred imbeciles doing bad accents and idiotic pratfalls and slapping each other in the face to the tune of an insufferable, forced laugh track, all centered around a laughably dreadful character who blurts out sarcastic one-liners so stupid and inept they make your skin crawl.

Except no one’s laughing. And tens of thousands of people are dying. And the country is rotting at its core. And the world, oh the world, the world knows this degrading, deeply humiliating show cannot be cancelled fast enough.

Sigh. What he said. Read the whole thing.

(h/t Jenny from the Blog)

3 comments July 4th, 2007 at 03:56pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Cheney,Constitution,Corruption/Cronyism,Libby/Plame,Republicans

How I Celebrate July 4th

Mmm, meat…

July 4th, 2007 at 03:14pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Comics

4th of July Fireworks Photoblogging

Here’s the last of the halfway-decent fireworks photos from my high school reunion. Enjoy!

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Up next: Coney Island (finally)!

July 4th, 2007 at 02:22pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Photoblogging

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

It should come as no surprise that the Weekly World News is on the cutting edge of the latest housing trends:

Due to the recent fires at Griffith Park and the ongoing threat of earthquakes and even tsunamis, city developers have been planning the next phase of urban expansion with safety in mind.

“We’re going to zone the skies above Los Angeles for floating buildings,” said city planning spokesperson Z. Rowe Gees. “These structures, called Strat-Houses, will be modeled after the old dirigibles, over a thousand feet long. Unlike zeppelins such as the Hindenburg, they will not be carried aloft by explosive hydrogen. The Strat-Houses will be supported by nacelles filled with helium.”

Living quarters will be built inside the airships, with penthouses on top and sub-penthouses below. Engines fore and aft will keep the entire structure stationary.

“Floating above the smog at two thousand feet, the lower penthouses will have truly spectacular city views,” Gees pointed out. “All of the westward-facing condominiums will have unobstructed ocean views, while the eastern side will look out at the mountains.

“Every six months the Strat-House will turn 180 degrees, changing the views of each residence.”

Because the Strat-Houses will float above the cloud layer, they will be bathed in perpetual sunshine. Located well outside the flight paths to and from LAX, there will be no chance of collision with a jetliner.

“The only inconvenience — and it is a minor one — will be going out,” said Gees. “The Strat-Houses will descend just twice a day, in the morning and at night, dropping occupants at nearby parking garages. Leaving at any other time will require the use of a small gondola that descends on a cable. However, that ride could get a little hairy, especially during the brisk Santa Ana winds that blow through here during autumn and early winter.”

Still, there is no shortage of people who are signing up to own a Strat-House.

“It’s the ultimate status symbol,” said one major film star — who, nonetheless, does not intend to purchase one. “Careers, box office — everything in this town eventually goes down. I wouldn’t want to worry that my home would be one of those things.”

I’m trying to think of a downside (so to speak) to living in a giant zeppelin, but for the life of me, I just can’t think of any. Other than not wanting to live in L.A., that is…

(Z. Rowe Gees. Heh.)

2 comments July 4th, 2007 at 01:13pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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