Archive for July 23rd, 2007

Fake War Is Fake Hell.

Yes, it’s The Onion, but there seems to be a nugget of truth in there somewhere…

As World War II entered its sixth grueling week within the video game Call Of Duty 2, battle-hardened soldier-player Martin Avers admitted Tuesday that his commitment to the struggle to free electronic Europe from the virtual Third Reich is wavering.

“After weeks of fighting for every pixel of ground and seeing 180 degrees of carnage in every direction, you start to wonder if it’s really worth it,” said 23-year-old Avers, who has been decorated 1,327 times since 1995, when he began fighting on his Sega Genesis. “I’ve already given my life several dozen times in this endless, senseless war game.”


Pausing the horrors of war on his PlayStation 2, the bleary-eyed Avers spoke about his fallen comrades.

“I mean, watching Bloomfield die on-screen was tough, especially because I was the one who pushed the buttons that sent him to his death,” Avers said. “But seeing it nine times in a row was more than tough – it was boring.”


“When I’m crouching in a trench, I think back to a time when all I did was play baseball with my buddies,” said Avers, who is a rental-car sales representative in his civilian life. “That’s what we’d do all Sunday, play MLB 2005. Seems like somebody else’s life now.”


Avers expressed anguish over the grief of his far-off, fictional mother, who has 28 gold-star banners in her window. He also said he is frustrated with the powers that be, who keep sending young men into the shooting-game fray. However, Avers said his sense of duty outweighs his anger and doubt.

“I’ve been on the front lines since the day this came out, and sure, I could put in for a transfer to some cushy desktop assignment and play solitaire all day,” Avers said. “But I can’t abandon the boys.”

Avers said his biggest reason for staying with his interactive platoon is personal.

“My father devoted a large part of his youth to fighting nameless, faceless enemies in Battlezone,” Avers said. “Today, we know that war game was unwinnable, even stupid. But Dad believed in what he was doing. He believed he could eventually reach that volcano in the background if he fought hard enough. I have a real chance to win WWII. If I go AWOL, I’ll have let down not only Dad but all the brave men and women I’ve met on the forum that have come before me.”

A lesser man would have claimed that he was more valuable playing Warbloggercraft instead of serving on the front lines, but not Avers. His courage and sacrifice are an inspiration to us all.

(h/t to the shadowy and mysterious Codename V.)

July 23rd, 2007 at 07:24pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: War

Eli’s Obsession With The Google

Multi Medium 1.0 is the #2 search result for creepy gothic plush.

Okay, I can see how that would happen, but I still don’t have any…

July 23rd, 2007 at 05:32pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Eli's Obsession With The Google

Coney Island Cyclone Photoblogging

Another one of the Coney Island star attractions I wanted to get pictures of was the Cyclone, which uses ricketiness instead of loop-de-loops to scare its riders:

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More on those Cyclone riders later…

2 comments July 23rd, 2007 at 11:33am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coney Island,NJ/NYC,Photoblogging

Magical Monday Media Blogging

I suppose I should find some sort of Harry Potter video, but instead I shall post a pair of hilarious David Blaine parodies:

“What the F???”

(h/t NYT’s Michelle Slatalla, of all people…)

July 23rd, 2007 at 07:28am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging

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