Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

2 comments July 4th, 2007at 01:13pm Posted by Eli

It should come as no surprise that the Weekly World News is on the cutting edge of the latest housing trends:

Due to the recent fires at Griffith Park and the ongoing threat of earthquakes and even tsunamis, city developers have been planning the next phase of urban expansion with safety in mind.

“We’re going to zone the skies above Los Angeles for floating buildings,” said city planning spokesperson Z. Rowe Gees. “These structures, called Strat-Houses, will be modeled after the old dirigibles, over a thousand feet long. Unlike zeppelins such as the Hindenburg, they will not be carried aloft by explosive hydrogen. The Strat-Houses will be supported by nacelles filled with helium.”

Living quarters will be built inside the airships, with penthouses on top and sub-penthouses below. Engines fore and aft will keep the entire structure stationary.

“Floating above the smog at two thousand feet, the lower penthouses will have truly spectacular city views,” Gees pointed out. “All of the westward-facing condominiums will have unobstructed ocean views, while the eastern side will look out at the mountains.

“Every six months the Strat-House will turn 180 degrees, changing the views of each residence.”

Because the Strat-Houses will float above the cloud layer, they will be bathed in perpetual sunshine. Located well outside the flight paths to and from LAX, there will be no chance of collision with a jetliner.

“The only inconvenience — and it is a minor one — will be going out,” said Gees. “The Strat-Houses will descend just twice a day, in the morning and at night, dropping occupants at nearby parking garages. Leaving at any other time will require the use of a small gondola that descends on a cable. However, that ride could get a little hairy, especially during the brisk Santa Ana winds that blow through here during autumn and early winter.”

Still, there is no shortage of people who are signing up to own a Strat-House.

“It’s the ultimate status symbol,” said one major film star — who, nonetheless, does not intend to purchase one. “Careers, box office — everything in this town eventually goes down. I wouldn’t want to worry that my home would be one of those things.”

I’m trying to think of a downside (so to speak) to living in a giant zeppelin, but for the life of me, I just can’t think of any. Other than not wanting to live in L.A., that is…

(Z. Rowe Gees. Heh.)

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

2 Comments

  • 1. whig  |  July 5th, 2007 at 4:02 am

    Where are they getting all the helium?

  • 2. Eli  |  July 5th, 2007 at 1:51 pm

    I assume we’ll be invading some small country with huge helium reserves.


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