Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

July 11th, 2007at 07:34am Posted by Eli

Weekly World News goes all shaggy-dog on us:

CALCUTTA, India — When a drought-stricken farmer began digging for water, little did he know he’d tap into one of the most powerful forces in the universe!

“Due to a particularly severe summer, it hadn’t rained in the Jodphur District in more than seven  months,” forty-five-year-old Dhavi Rancour told Weekly World News.  “My crops were turning to dust and the livestock — well, they were more like ‘near-death’-stock.  Despite my prayers, I knew there was little chance of getting much needed water.”

That was when the desperate farmer — and father of fifteen — decided to take matters into his own hands…and those of his children.

“I had every member of the family go out with shovels, digging up our land, hoping to strike water,” he said. “I myself roamed from dawn to dusk with a divining rod, hoping the wooden stick would be drawn to water.”

After weeks of failure, the rod was suddenly seized by  an unimaginable force.

“It literally pulled me head over heels into a small gully alongside a dried-out stream,” Rancour said. “I immediately began digging. At sixteen feet, I could feel something moving just beneath the last layer of dried sediment.   With one more thrust of the shovel, I was through! I waited for a gush of cool, life-giving water.

“But that was not what I had found,” he said. “I had discovered something more — something much more.”

Abruptly, a vortex spun up from the hole — a gyrating maelstrom of pure energy that began to exert a pull on everything in the immediate vicinity.

“It began sucking objects of all shapes and sizes into the whirling abyss — sheep, withered corn stalks and barren berry bushes.  I clung to the trunk of a large tree as the strange force tore planks of wood from my barn and reduced them to splinters! The roots of the tree began to leave the Earth, and as I was drawn ever closer to the great maw I prayed once again — for salvation!”

Suddenly, the powerful vortex dislodged a boulder that was much larger than its aperture. As the granite chunk flew in, it sealed the well.  A grateful Rancour dropped to the ground and hurriedly piled additional stones atop the opening to ensure it remained closed.

“Oddly enough, the removal of the boulder had opened up an underground stream, giving us water at last,” Rancour revealed.  “Whatever that vortex was, it was an instance of an irresistible force meeting many movable objects.”

Though geologists were not immediately able to provide Weekly World News with an explanation, one suggested that Mr. Rancour may have inadvertently uncovered the black hole of Calcutta.

Heh heh heh…

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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