Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

July 18th, 2007at 09:53am Posted by Eli

Once again, the Weekly World News rocks the world:

SINAI PENINSULA — Sometime around the year 1340 B.C., this little patch of sun-baked land was the setting for one of the most heroic escapes in the annals of mankind: the Exodus of the Hebrew people from Egypt.

“After Moses led the people of Israel from Egypt, they wandered in the Sinai desert for forty years,” said Rabbi Zalman Schmotkin-Fisher of the Moses Studies Institute. “It’s long been a mystery exactly how the Hebrews could have remained lost for so many years in an area approximately the size of Arizona. Why hadn’t the Lord shown them the way?”

Now, an archaeological dig on the shores of the Red Sea proves that God did show Moses the way.

“A parchment map was found in a sealed urn not far from the remains of an Egyptian chariot,” said Rabbi Schmotkin-Fisher. “We surmise that Moses dropped it in the rush to get across the Red Sea before the parted waters came back together.

“It was etched by I Am’s own flaming finger, plainly mapping the way to the Promised Land. Remarkably, had they followed the Lord’s route, the trek would have taken the Israelites about a month, tops.”

“This explains so much,” Rabbi Schmotkin-Fisher said, “especially why God didn’t let Moses enter the Promised Land.

“You know how angry your wife gets when you won’t pull over and ask for directions?” the rabbi asked. “Imagine how irate the Almighty gets when you pull the same thing on Him!”

D’oh! Stoopit Moses. Maybe God should have created GPS a little sooner.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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