When Tabloids Attack

6 comments July 22nd, 2007at 04:36pm Posted by Eli

Fun stuff in this week’s Globe:

A fearful George W. Bush is pleading with wife Laura to call off her divorce plans – telling her a public marital bust-up could kill him, reveal sources.

And Bush’s fears for his life are real!

Physicians have privately warned him the stress of his crumbling marriage and mounting pressures from his political troubles could trigger a catastrophic heart attack at any moment, sources say.

“Doctors have told George he’s a walking medical time bomb,” confides a family friend. “With his secret binge drinking and mounting stress, he’s put his life on the edge. If he’s stressed any more, his heart could explode!”

Bush has been fitted with a shock vest only worn by high-risk cardiac patients. The device would restart the president’s heart in case of a heart attack.


“The president has made 48 visits to Ohio since he was elected even though the GOP candidates didn’t particularly want him around,” says a longtime Texas supporter.

“We believe he’s been going there to sneak into the Cleveland Clinic which has some of the country’s top heart specialists.”

Earlier this month, the president looked in on an energy company in Ohio, then hurried to the clinic “to discuss health care” at a closed meeting.

Insiders believe he really went for medical tests.


On top of his heart worries, Bush is terrified that Laura will walk out on him and file for divorce, leaving him humiliated and alone.


“She still loves George, but was afraid he was killing himself with booze and that was the start of their separation,” says the Texas source.

“Then came his increased moodiness and his relationship with Condoleezza Rice, which caused her to walk out more than once.


Bush shows other signs of cardiac problems such as a drooping mouth, memory deficits, impaired language ability and motor system problems, [“Houston medical expert C. L. Hallmark] says.

“The drooping left side of the president’s face and mouth may be indicative of a recent stroke,” notes Hallmark.


Respected psychoanalyst and George Washington University professor Dr. Justin Frank worked up a psychological profile of the president and found megalomania, delusions of persecution and omnipotence, and a sadistic indifference to others’ pain. Some of this could be blamed on the president’s drinking, he says.

Now, George is begging Laura to call off the divorce using his heart crisis to convince her to stay by his side.

He’s already suffered an emotional collapse,” says the source.

“He’s desperate to keep her, but she’s just as desperate to get out.

“I’m not sure that even his heart attack drama will make Laura change her mind.”

It would, as the saying goes, be irresponsible not to speculate.

Maybe Laura can go on TV and imitate Dubya saying “Please don’t leave me”…

Entry Filed under: Bush


  • 1. Glenn  |  July 22nd, 2007 at 7:55 pm

    If only …

  • 2. spocko  |  July 22nd, 2007 at 10:57 pm

    Respected psychoanalyst and George Washington University professor Dr. Justin Frank worked up a psychological profile of the president and found megalomania, delusions of persecution and omnipotence, and a sadistic indifference to othersí pain. Some of this could be blamed on the presidentís drinking, he says.

    Some of this could be blamed on his upbring.

    Now if this was a democratic president these would be trotted out every single day and pushed up the “journalism” food chain. So finally they would be “forced” to comment on the rumors.

    So do you suppose someone should ask him how he “feels” about the report of him drinking again?

    That would be interesting question. I wonder how we should phrase it.

  • 3. shoephone  |  July 22nd, 2007 at 11:20 pm

    “Drooping mouth”?

    Now, that’s funny. I’ve had drooping mouth syndrome ever since my 42nd birthday. And my mom told me to stay out of the sun when I was a young beachgirl but did I listen?

  • 4. PoliShifter  |  July 23rd, 2007 at 12:47 am

    Someone call Dr. Phil!

    I have a hard time believing he has heart trouble (yes I know it’s The Globe).

    He rides his bike all the friggin’ time and doesn’t seem bothered by a damn thing. His aides and even his critics that get time with him say he is “serene”, calm, and jovial. He really doesn’t seem to care about anything (except maybe getting some sort of amnesty bill passed and scraping social security)

    besides, if anyone is due for a heart attack due to stress, it’s Cheney. I’m sure by his time table we should have bombed Iran 6 months ago. The fact that we haven’t yet has got to be stressing him to the max.

    Now the boozing and playing grab ass with Condi, I can believe that. Laura held up at the Mayflower Hotel comtemplating Divorce? Sure.

    But Bush having a heart attack?…that’s going too far.

  • 5. Eli  |  July 23rd, 2007 at 7:17 am

    First of all, I certainly don’t find it hard to believe that Dubya’s heart is defective. Second of all, I think it *does* bother him that people don’t see him as the big strong tough guy he thinks he is. Third of all, I think he’s frustrated that being president isn’t all photo ops and freebies. There’s too much actual work, plus people saying mean things about him all the time – he thought he was supposed to be the boss of *everybody*.

  • 6. Eli  |  July 23rd, 2007 at 7:18 am

    All that being said, I still take it with a very large grain of salt. It’s just fun to see the tabloids turn on him, especially since they target his low-information-voter core constituency.

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