Archive for August 29th, 2007

Terrible Two

I’ll sum up: It’s two years later, and New Orleans is pretty much still in ruins, and the Bush administration is obviously in no hurry to do anything about that.

If you want the definitive long version, read Jill. But prepare to be sad and angry. Or sadder and angrier.

2 comments August 29th, 2007 at 09:59pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Katrina

More Prominent Republicans Who Are TOTALLY NOT GAY

Tucker Carlson and Joe Scarborough are both Teh Manly Non-Gay Men, but Tucker gets the extra bonus points for his wacky gay-bashing shenanigans.

Did I mention that Tucker is also TOTALLY NOT HOMOPHOBIC?

2 comments August 29th, 2007 at 08:30pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Republicans,Teh Gay,Wankers

Memories… In The Corner Of My Something Something…

ymr049c has drawn my attention to this brilliant Tom Tomorrow strip, reminding us what life in the Gonzales Justice Department was like.

Ah, those were the good ol’- wait, what was I talking about?

August 29th, 2007 at 07:27pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Corruption/Cronyism,Republicans,Rove

Bring Me The World’s Smallest Violin, Stat!

The Republicans are so screwed up right now that they almost (repeat, almost) make the Democrats look good:

Just when Republicans thought things could not get any worse, Senator Larry E. Craig of Idaho confirmed that he had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct after an undercover police officer accused him of soliciting sex in June in a Minneapolis airport restroom. On Tuesday, Mr. Craig, 62, held a news conference to defend himself, calling the guilty plea “a mistake” and declaring, “I am not gay” — even as the Senate Republican leadership asked for an Ethics Committee review.

It was a bizarre spectacle, and only the latest in a string of accusations of sexual foibles and financial misdeeds that have landed Republicans in the political equivalent of purgatory, the realm of late-night comic television.

Forget Mark Foley of Florida, who quit the House last year after exchanging sexually explicit e-mail messages with under-age male pages, or Jack Abramoff, the lobbyist whose dealings with the old Republican Congress landed him in prison. They are old news, replaced by a fresh crop of scandal-plagued Republicans, men like Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, whose phone number turned up on the list of the so-called D.C. Madam, or Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska and Representative Rick Renzi of Arizona, both caught up in F.B.I. corruption investigations.

This is the upside for any individual Republican fuckup: They can be assured that it’s only a matter of time before one of their colleagues fucks up even worse, thus pushing them out of everyone’s mind. This can only be good for Republicans.

“The real question for Republicans in Washington is how low can you go, because we are approaching a level of ridiculousness,” said Mr. Reed, sounding exasperated in an interview on Tuesday morning. “You can’t make this stuff up. And the impact this is having on the grass-roots around the country is devastating. Republicans think the governing class in Washington are a bunch of buffoons who have total disregard for the principles of the party, the law of the land and the future of the country.

Aaaand this would be wrong… how?

Republicans, of course, do not have an exclusive hold on scandal. As Democrats accused Republicans of engaging in a “culture of corruption” during the 2006 midterm elections, Republicans eagerly put the spotlight on Representative William J. Jefferson, the Louisiana Democrat who stashed $90,000 in his freezer — ill-gotten gains, the authorities said.

I like how Stolberg rattles off this whole laundry list of Republicans In Trouble (still very partial, I might add), and then throws in one Blue Dog wanker Democrat to show that scandals are a bipartisan problem.

It is tough enough being in the minority, weighed down by the burden of the war in Iraq. Now Republicans have an even more pressing task: keeping their party from being portrayed not just as hypocritical and out of touch with the values of people they represent, but also as a laughingstock — amid headlines like “Senator’s Bathroom Bust,” which ran all Tuesday afternoon on CNN. The story also ran at the top of all the network evening newscasts on Tuesday.

Must… resist… urge… to… weep…

And now… Quote Medley!

“If we had a coach,” said John Feehery, who was press secretary to Representative J. Dennis Hastert when Mr. Hastert was the House speaker, “the coach would take us in the locker room and scream at us.”


“Exit polls show that was the No. 1 factor in depressing Republican enthusiasm,” [Tony Perkins, head of the social conservative Family Research Council] said in an interview Tuesday. “There is an expectation that leaders who espouse family values will live by those values. And while the values voters don’t demand perfection, I do believe they want leaders with integrity.”


“[Larry Craig] sounded almost as convincing as, ‘I did not have sex with that woman,’ ” said Gary Bauer, a Christian conservative and onetime Republican presidential candidate….

…[A]t the rate things are going, says Mr. Reed, the Republican strategist, it might be only a matter of time before a new scandal pushes Mr. Craig’s woes off the front page.

“I’m a little afraid to say anything, because you don’t know what happens tomorrow,” Mr. Reed said. “That Vitter thing, that’s like ancient history now.”

I will bet any amount of money that the Republicans run on a moral values platform next year. And Terror, of course, because they’ve been so diligent about that…

3 comments August 29th, 2007 at 11:56am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Corruption/Cronyism,Politics,Republicans

B&W Voyager Photoblogging

Not the space probe (that would be a bit tricky), but the first plane to fly around the world without refueling:

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August 29th, 2007 at 11:34am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Photoblogging,Washington DC

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Weekly World News reveals the secret to getting into Heaven!

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied,” said Bible scholar Douglas Carter of the Massachusetts Center of Religious Truth. “Everyone knows those words from Matthew. But until now, no one grasped what that statement truly meant.”

According to Dr. Carter’s interpretation, Jesus was indicating to humankind that morality is literally food for the soul.

“The spirit needs to stay fit, just like the body,” said Dr. Carter. “If you eat too much junk food, your body gets fat. Similarly, if you sin too much, your soul will also get flabby.

“You see, Jesus chose his words carefully,” Dr. Carter went on. “He said ‘hunger and thirst.’ It’s a nutritional analogy. By being morally upright, you eat and drink righteousness, which is non-fat. By committing sin, you consume evil. And evil is very high-caloric for the soul.”


“There’s a practical reason why sinners don’t go to Heaven,” he went on. “Their souls are just too heavy. They sink through the clouds and into Hell from all that weight. It takes a certain spiritual physique to ascend to paradise. Have you ever heard of fat angels? Fat demons, certainly, but not fat angels. Those wings can only handle so much mass.”

Unfortunately, if this discovery holds true it will be unpleasant news for many Christians.

“They’re used to the idea of repentance and absolution,” said Dr. Carter. “However, if I’m correct, it will take a lot more than repenting one’s sins to get into Heaven. It will take a spiritual weight-loss regimen. Being aggressively good and cheerful, like TV weather people.

You know, if Heaven is full of TV weather people, I might just take my chances in The Other Place.

August 29th, 2007 at 07:34am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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