Bring Me The World’s Smallest Violin, Stat!

3 comments August 29th, 2007at 11:56am Posted by Eli

The Republicans are so screwed up right now that they almost (repeat, almost) make the Democrats look good:

Just when Republicans thought things could not get any worse, Senator Larry E. Craig of Idaho confirmed that he had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct after an undercover police officer accused him of soliciting sex in June in a Minneapolis airport restroom. On Tuesday, Mr. Craig, 62, held a news conference to defend himself, calling the guilty plea “a mistake” and declaring, “I am not gay” — even as the Senate Republican leadership asked for an Ethics Committee review.

It was a bizarre spectacle, and only the latest in a string of accusations of sexual foibles and financial misdeeds that have landed Republicans in the political equivalent of purgatory, the realm of late-night comic television.

Forget Mark Foley of Florida, who quit the House last year after exchanging sexually explicit e-mail messages with under-age male pages, or Jack Abramoff, the lobbyist whose dealings with the old Republican Congress landed him in prison. They are old news, replaced by a fresh crop of scandal-plagued Republicans, men like Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, whose phone number turned up on the list of the so-called D.C. Madam, or Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska and Representative Rick Renzi of Arizona, both caught up in F.B.I. corruption investigations.

This is the upside for any individual Republican fuckup: They can be assured that it’s only a matter of time before one of their colleagues fucks up even worse, thus pushing them out of everyone’s mind. This can only be good for Republicans.

“The real question for Republicans in Washington is how low can you go, because we are approaching a level of ridiculousness,” said Mr. Reed, sounding exasperated in an interview on Tuesday morning. “You can’t make this stuff up. And the impact this is having on the grass-roots around the country is devastating. Republicans think the governing class in Washington are a bunch of buffoons who have total disregard for the principles of the party, the law of the land and the future of the country.

Aaaand this would be wrong… how?

Republicans, of course, do not have an exclusive hold on scandal. As Democrats accused Republicans of engaging in a “culture of corruption” during the 2006 midterm elections, Republicans eagerly put the spotlight on Representative William J. Jefferson, the Louisiana Democrat who stashed $90,000 in his freezer — ill-gotten gains, the authorities said.

I like how Stolberg rattles off this whole laundry list of Republicans In Trouble (still very partial, I might add), and then throws in one Blue Dog wanker Democrat to show that scandals are a bipartisan problem.

It is tough enough being in the minority, weighed down by the burden of the war in Iraq. Now Republicans have an even more pressing task: keeping their party from being portrayed not just as hypocritical and out of touch with the values of people they represent, but also as a laughingstock — amid headlines like “Senator’s Bathroom Bust,” which ran all Tuesday afternoon on CNN. The story also ran at the top of all the network evening newscasts on Tuesday.

Must… resist… urge… to… weep…

And now… Quote Medley!

“If we had a coach,” said John Feehery, who was press secretary to Representative J. Dennis Hastert when Mr. Hastert was the House speaker, “the coach would take us in the locker room and scream at us.”


“Exit polls show that was the No. 1 factor in depressing Republican enthusiasm,” [Tony Perkins, head of the social conservative Family Research Council] said in an interview Tuesday. “There is an expectation that leaders who espouse family values will live by those values. And while the values voters don’t demand perfection, I do believe they want leaders with integrity.”


“[Larry Craig] sounded almost as convincing as, ‘I did not have sex with that woman,’ ” said Gary Bauer, a Christian conservative and onetime Republican presidential candidate….

…[A]t the rate things are going, says Mr. Reed, the Republican strategist, it might be only a matter of time before a new scandal pushes Mr. Craig’s woes off the front page.

“I’m a little afraid to say anything, because you don’t know what happens tomorrow,” Mr. Reed said. “That Vitter thing, that’s like ancient history now.”

I will bet any amount of money that the Republicans run on a moral values platform next year. And Terror, of course, because they’ve been so diligent about that…

Entry Filed under: Corruption/Cronyism,Politics,Republicans


  • 1. PoliShifter  |  August 29th, 2007 at 5:53 pm

    It will be the “few bad apples” argument again…

    They won’t abandon the gays, guns, abortion, and “intelligent design” platform any time soon. It’s worked so well for them.

    Ofcourse they’ll beat the terror drum.

    The best things for Republicans would be another terror attack followed by allegations by Bush that Iran was involved, followed by the bombing of Iran, followed by Bush saying “c’mon, you’re not going to change Presidents in mid-war are ya?”

  • 2. Eli  |  August 30th, 2007 at 12:08 am

    Only a homosexual would want to change presidents in the middle of a war. You’re not a HOMOSEXUAL, are you?

  • 3. Eli  |  August 30th, 2007 at 12:09 am

    (Or worse yet, a COMMUNIST!)

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