Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

September 5th, 2007at 07:36am Posted by Eli

Claws for alarm:

ARNOLD’S COVE, Labrador – “As big as a Buick!” That’s how exuberant shell fisherman Bob Smedley described his terrifying catch after a battle that lasted nearly two hours.

It wasn’t just fierce — it was covered with long, coarse hair like porcupine quills,” Smedley continued. “It scared the bejeepers out of me!”

While stories of giant, wooly lobsters have been bandied about northern docks for centuries, Smedley produced the first proof that the creatures are real. The wizened lobsterman roped and towed his prize to shore after an hour-long battle.

“Lucky I had my 30-30 Winchester with me in case of polar bears,” said a still-excited Smedley. “It took seventeen shots to finally put him down.”

Marine biologist Dr. Stanley Baer named the previously undocumented creature Fuzzinus Damnbigus and said global warming has raised sea temperatures sufficiently to thaw many more long-frozen colonies.

“This specimen’s stomach contents included everything from sharks to well-chewed Speedos,” Dr. Baer remarked. “We need to take this threat seriously.”

Best. Scientific Name. Ever.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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