Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

September 26th, 2007at 07:38am Posted by Eli

Alas, I think the Weekly World News has stopped updating their website, so I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to keep this feature going. I might still have some old back issues from when I had a subscription…

This week, more Headlines From Tomorrow!

2008 BUCHAREST, Romania – Vampires realize that the blood of tuna fish suits their macabre nutritional requirements as effectively as human blood. The undead begin lurking near the shores of the Black Sea, sucking fish dry and discreetly throwing their bodies into the water.

2009 BUCHAREST, Romania –
An unexpected side effect of the new vampiric diet occurs when the discarded fish themselves return to life as vampires. The fishing industry comes to an abrupt halt while authorities try to capture and kill the thousands of bloodthirsty “nosferatuna.”

(…)

2015 MANHATTAN, N.Y. – Since women adore men who make them laugh, cosmetic companies make a cologne for men that contains nitrous oxide – Guffaux. Any woman who talks to a man wearing Guffaux laughs for the entire evening.

(…)

2020 SANDY, Utah – To make vegetables more appealing to men, farmers try to make certain foods more masculine. Their first project is to stop growing chickpeas and grow a manly version, called studpeas.

2021 HOUSTON, Texas – Aerospace engineers discover that the best way to power a space station is to harness solar wind and turn it into energy. To accomplish this, they build a gigantic solar windmill in Earth orbit.

2022 HOUSTON, Texas – NASA and its European allies are forced to delay the project when a Spanish astronaut, suffering from space madness, becomes convinced that the solar windmill is an E.T. and attacks it.

I would totally buy the studpeas and then brag about it.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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