In Case You Were Worried

1 comment October 24th, 2007at 12:44pm Posted by Eli

If anyone read my post comparing White House Counsel Fred Fielding to a sphincter, and was concerned about the whereabouts of my cherished copy of The Book Of Strange Facts And Useless Information… I just found it while looking for Weekly World News back issues which I was sure that I had.

So without further ado, here is In Praise of the Sphincter Ani, from the introduction to an article by W.C. (no, really!) Bornemeier in The American Journal of Proctology. It is not, as I had remembered it, a poem, but the adulation is no less glowing:

Of all the structures in the area one stands out as the king. You can damage, deform, ruin, remove, abuse, amputate, maim or mutilate every structure in and around the anus except one. The structure is the sphincter ani. There is not a muscle or structure in the body that has a more keenly developed sense of alertness and ability to accommodate itself to varying situations. It is like the goalie in hockey… always alert.

They say man has succeeded where the animals fail because of the clever use of his hands yet, when compared to the hands the sphincter ani is far superior. If you place into your cupped hands a mixture of fluid, solid and gas and then, through an opening at the bottom try to let only the gas escape you will fail. Yet the sphincter ani can do it. The sphincter apparently can differentiate between solid, fluid, and gas. It apparently can tell whether the owner is alone or with someone, whether standing up or sitting down, whether its owner has his pants on or off. No other muscle in the body is such a protector of the dignity of man, yet so ready to come to his relief. A muscle like that is worth protecting.

Now what other blog are you going to find this kind of hard-hitting yet edifying content on?

Entry Filed under: Weirdness

1 Comment

  • 1. ::matthew  |  October 24th, 2007 at 3:29 pm

    A muscle like that is worth protecting.

    indeed. there should be a “save the ani” coalition, or something.

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