Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

1 comment October 17th, 2007at 10:08pm Posted by Eli

“Champagne music”= DEATH:

(By Cliff Lindecker)

Beloved bandleader Lawrence Welk was murdered by wild-eyed anti-alcohol fanatics who were convinced his “champagne music” was encouraging young people to drink, claims a former band member.

“It’s ironic that a man who was deeply committed to the nation’s young and determined to provide them with clean, wholesome entertainment, should be targeted for assassination by a bunch of wacko zealots,” the ex band member confided to a fan magazine, Champagne Dreams.


The hit was believed to have been carried out by a group called MOB – Mothers Opposed to Booze, a shadowy organization of modern-day Carrie Nations who are dedicated to reenacting national Prohibition laws and promoting prune juice as the new drink of choice at campus keg parties and other social occasions.

When Welk, 89, died at his home in Santa Monica, Calif., on Sunday night, May 17, 1992, pneumonia was officially ruled as the cause of death.

But his longtime colleague said private investigators confirmed that a MOB woman had slipped a slow acting poison into his champagne months earlier that led to a slow, lingering death.

“Anyone who gets in MOB’s way is ruthlessly rubbed out,” he said.

The musician told the reporter, “Poor Lawrence was planning a concert tour of Berkeley and other major college campuses when he was snuffed out.”

I shudder to think how many more lives this monster might have ruined if he had not been stopped.

(Also, I’m loving the photo caption that reads: “Bandleader Lawrence Welk is shown here playing an accordion, an instrument that was as hot in the 1950s as electric guitars are today!”)

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

1 Comment

  • 1. oldwhitelady  |  October 18th, 2007 at 12:05 am

    Hmmm… I didn’t know rap used electric guitars. I thought they played albums backwards or something…

    Goodness, I hadn’t realized Welk had been murdered! Now that they explain why, I wonder why a man like that was allowed on tv, anyway!!!! :)

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