Archive for November 2nd, 2007

The Mask Slips

Wankerish as he is, David Brooks usually makes an effort to conceal his wankery beneath a thin veneer of genteel reasonableness. Not so today, where he let us see the sneering, Rush Limbaugh ugliness under the facade:

BRIAN WILLIAMS: Welcome to Drexel University, the site of tonight’s Democratic presidential debate. Let’s get started with Senator Barack Obama. Senator, you’ve vowed to spend this entire debate standing on Senator Clinton’s windpipe while reducing her to a quivering mass of jelly. How do you plan on doing that?

SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: Well, Brian, as you know the goal of my campaign is to make this country as noble as I am. But without casting aspersion or criticism in any direction, I have noticed that Senator Clinton, probably without meaning to, has not fully contextualized her discourse, which has had the effect of diffusing the national conversation we must have about the tremendous challenges we face.

Ha ha ha! Obama is a stilted pompous windbag!

TIM RUSSERT: Senator Edwards, let’s turn to you. Four years ago, you vowed to run an entirely positive campaign. Now you’re running a negative one. What changed?

JOHN EDWARDS: My convictions, Tim. The American people want a president they can trust. Four years ago I went from being a centrist New Democrat to a left-wing populist because I wanted voters to be able to trust that I would stand up against the forces of opportunism in this country. Now I stand up to the megarich lawyers. I stand up to the hedge fund managers, the big spenders and the McMansion owners. Basically, I’ve been standing up to myself. And I don’t take money from Washington lobbyists. I take money from the people who hire Washington lobbyists, which means a savings of, like, 15 percent.

Ha ha ha! Edwards is a filthy rich hypocrite!

RUSSERT: Senator Clinton?

CLINTON: First, I want to pre-emptively agree with what everybody will say on all sides of every issue in this debate. That’s why the Republicans are so afraid of me. Second, I want to congratulate the Boston Red Sox. I’ve been a Red Sox fan my whole life …

Ha ha ha! Hillary is an insincere panderer!

EDWARDS: I worry about the two Irans. For while the corporate Jihadis are building nuclear weapons, the working-class extremists are shivering in doorways and making do with sharp sticks.

Ha ha ha! It’s like the Two Americas, but it’s Iran! Hilarious!

WILLIAMS: Senator Clinton, at the end of your husband’s administration, you placed your authentic self in a cryogenic vault in the National Archives. Will you allow the archives to release your authentic self during this campaign?

CLINTON: It’s kind of embarrassing Brian, but my authentic self was misfiled sometime in 2003, and we can’t find it.

Ha ha ha! Hillary is an inauthentic phony! Brilliant!

REP. DENNIS KUCINICH (arriving): Sorry I’m late everybody. My U.F.O. got held up in traffic behind Shirley MacLaine’s house.

Ha ha ha! Kucinich is a flake! Haw haw haw!

I honestly don’t know how anyone can take this lazy, pinheaded jackass seriously.

November 2nd, 2007 at 09:45pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Politics,Republicans,Wankers

Note To LA Times

If you are sitting on a for-real legitimate story about a sex scandal involving one of the presidential candidates, you owe it to the primary voters to publish it. Now. Before they’re stuck with a scandal-tainted candidate in the general election.

Imagine, just hypothetically, that you’re a Republican who voted for Rudy in the primary, and you find out after he wins the nomination that he got a hooker pregnant, strangled her because she refused to get an abortion, and dumped her body in the East River. Wouldn’t you be kinda pissed that no-one gave you a heads-up on that beforehand?

3 comments November 2nd, 2007 at 09:33pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Elections,Media,Politics

So Much For Progress

Sigh. I had such high hopes.

Has it really only been six months? It seems like just yesterday that we had Don Imus to kick around… and his racist and sexist remarks about the Rutgers University women’s basketball team seem as freshly offensive today as they did when he made them last Easter. Now, to no one’s surprise, the self-styled “I-Man” is back, courtesy of the Citadel Broadcasting Corporation, which has announced that Imus will return to radio December 3 during morning drive time on WABC-AM in New York – the same city where he was unceremoniously banished from the airwaves last spring.

So that’s it, is it? Say something appallingly racist and sexist on the air, and you lose your job FOR SIX MONTHS! That will totally teach Imus a lesson.

It probably is worth noting that MSNBC isn’t putting him back on TV, at least not yet. Also worth noting that it’s Citadel that’s putting him back on the air. They love them some Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and the whole deranged Melanie Morgan KSFO crew, so I can certainly see where they would find Imus’s schtick appealing.

November 2nd, 2007 at 08:45pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Racism,Wankers

A-Rod Gets An Offer

This is truly a thing of beauty:

Dear Mr. Boras,

We would be honored if your client, Alex Rodriguez, would enter the Hall of Fame wearing a Toledo Mud Hens cap.

Although Rodriguez has not played in a minor league game since 1996 with Tacoma, we would be delighted if he would represent the World Famous Toledo Mud Hens at Cooperstown.

However, in order for Mr. Rodriguez to enter the Hall of Fame as a Mud Hen, he would, of course, have to play for us. We would like to offer your client an incentive-based contract of $35 million dollars per season. If he is able to achieve the following:
-Hit 75 HR per season (10 straight seasons)
-Drive in at least 1,500 runs (10 years combined)
-Hit at least .350 each season (10 straight seasons)
-Help the Hens win 10 straight Governors’ Cup titles

Now keep in mind, Mike Hessman is our every day 3B and is the reigning International League MVP. We think that it would be a healthy competition at Spring Training between the two of them. Would your client be willing to play a different position?

We have included two Mud Hen hats for you and Mr. Rodriguez and look forward to seeing you wear them proudly.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Jason D. Griffin
Director, Public Relations/Broadcaster
Toledo Mud Hens Baseball, Inc.

Brilliant!

Kinda sucks for Mike Hessman, tho.

(h/t Tyler Kepner)

1 comment November 2nd, 2007 at 06:30pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Sports

The Wisdom Of Cartoons

Both of these really hit the nail on the head.

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rudypark2007166661101.gif

Depressing, innit?

1 comment November 2nd, 2007 at 11:50am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Comics

More Hi-Frequencies Photoblogging

Some more shots of the band at Captain Goto’s party. Very photogenic.

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November 2nd, 2007 at 11:22am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: People,Photoblogging,Pittsburgh

Friday Quote & Pugs-Are-Completely-Insane Blogging

This week’s quote is from Samuel Fuller’s WWII classic, The Big Red One:

This was the first time in ages that we all felt really good. It lasted about an hour.

And, of course, there’ll be other people’s pugs that are completely insane:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVg-L482TR0

Strange, strange dogs. I’m really more of a cat person, but if I ever got a dog, it would have to be a pug.

1 comment November 2nd, 2007 at 07:19am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Friday Quote & Cat Blogging,Monday Media Blogging


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