The Mask Slips

November 2nd, 2007at 09:45pm Posted by Eli

Wankerish as he is, David Brooks usually makes an effort to conceal his wankery beneath a thin veneer of genteel reasonableness. Not so today, where he let us see the sneering, Rush Limbaugh ugliness under the facade:

BRIAN WILLIAMS: Welcome to Drexel University, the site of tonight’s Democratic presidential debate. Let’s get started with Senator Barack Obama. Senator, you’ve vowed to spend this entire debate standing on Senator Clinton’s windpipe while reducing her to a quivering mass of jelly. How do you plan on doing that?

SENATOR BARACK OBAMA: Well, Brian, as you know the goal of my campaign is to make this country as noble as I am. But without casting aspersion or criticism in any direction, I have noticed that Senator Clinton, probably without meaning to, has not fully contextualized her discourse, which has had the effect of diffusing the national conversation we must have about the tremendous challenges we face.

Ha ha ha! Obama is a stilted pompous windbag!

TIM RUSSERT: Senator Edwards, let’s turn to you. Four years ago, you vowed to run an entirely positive campaign. Now you’re running a negative one. What changed?

JOHN EDWARDS: My convictions, Tim. The American people want a president they can trust. Four years ago I went from being a centrist New Democrat to a left-wing populist because I wanted voters to be able to trust that I would stand up against the forces of opportunism in this country. Now I stand up to the megarich lawyers. I stand up to the hedge fund managers, the big spenders and the McMansion owners. Basically, I’ve been standing up to myself. And I don’t take money from Washington lobbyists. I take money from the people who hire Washington lobbyists, which means a savings of, like, 15 percent.

Ha ha ha! Edwards is a filthy rich hypocrite!

RUSSERT: Senator Clinton?

CLINTON: First, I want to pre-emptively agree with what everybody will say on all sides of every issue in this debate. That’s why the Republicans are so afraid of me. Second, I want to congratulate the Boston Red Sox. I’ve been a Red Sox fan my whole life …

Ha ha ha! Hillary is an insincere panderer!

EDWARDS: I worry about the two Irans. For while the corporate Jihadis are building nuclear weapons, the working-class extremists are shivering in doorways and making do with sharp sticks.

Ha ha ha! It’s like the Two Americas, but it’s Iran! Hilarious!

WILLIAMS: Senator Clinton, at the end of your husband’s administration, you placed your authentic self in a cryogenic vault in the National Archives. Will you allow the archives to release your authentic self during this campaign?

CLINTON: It’s kind of embarrassing Brian, but my authentic self was misfiled sometime in 2003, and we can’t find it.

Ha ha ha! Hillary is an inauthentic phony! Brilliant!

REP. DENNIS KUCINICH (arriving): Sorry I’m late everybody. My U.F.O. got held up in traffic behind Shirley MacLaine’s house.

Ha ha ha! Kucinich is a flake! Haw haw haw!

I honestly don’t know how anyone can take this lazy, pinheaded jackass seriously.

Entry Filed under: Media,Politics,Republicans,Wankers

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