This Is The Lamest Thing I Have Ever Seen

November 21st, 2007at 11:43am Posted by Eli

I. Am. Speechless.

What would Thanksgiving be like if we cooked the same turkey over and over, year after year, and served it bland, tasteless, and downright inedible? Well, it would be kind of like Politics-As-Usual, which has been feeding us that turkey for many years now. It’s time to cook up a new way to lead the country, as you well know, and Unity08 has the recipe.

For this 10 Minute Tuesday, we ask you to review the cooking instructions below. Then, visit our web site to download the final ingredient, complete the meal, and bring the whole family together for the good of our country.

For your own health, our meal is pork-barrel and mud-slinging free.

Ingredients:

1 package of Our Country (divided)
1/2 teaspoon of American Values (hard work, ingenuity, inspiration)
1/2 teaspoon of New Technology
5 cups of Crucial Issues
1 box of Questions to Ask the Candidates
1 handful of Candidates (formed into teams)
1 Online Convention pressure cooker (the largest you can find)
Instructions:

Boil Politics-As-Usual, pour it out, and start anew.
Combine American Values with New Technology (stir vigorously).
Sift and rank Crucial Issues.
Mull over Questions to Ask the Candidates.
Place Crucial Issues, Questions, and Candidate Teams into Online Convention pressure cooker.
Reduce to Unity Ticket.
Serve hot and complement with election of the next President of the United States.
For the final ingredient, download our sign up form so that when you bring your friends and family to the table they can easily join us. After you’ve added them to the form, simply follow the instructions to mail it back to us.

It won’t be easy to successfully execute the cooking instructions above, but it is absolutely necessary for the good of our country. The timing is right for our new recipe despite those that say that it’s too late to impact the coming election. In fact, well-known names have been talking more frequently about the likelihood of another option winning the election. Alan Greenspan, Tom Brokaw, Mario Cuomo, Tom Kean, William Weld, and more have realized that the country is desperate for change.

Unity08 is the new recipe to reunite our country.

WHO WRITES THIS SHIT???

I can’t even read the whole thing; my eyeballs keep trying to escape.

Entry Filed under: Politics,Wankers


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