Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

November 7th, 2007at 07:23am Posted by Eli

The Weekly World News reports on yet another embarrassment for Dubya:

(By Nick Jeffreys)

President Bush has lost his wallet with his driver’s license, daughters’ photos and the secret codes that launch our nuclear weapons, reveals a White House source.

“We’ve looked everywhere,” says a highly placed Secret Service official. “Mr. Bush covers a lot of ground in one day, and we’ve had our agents go over every inch of it a thousand times.

“They’ve searched the Oval Office, Air Force One, his private rooms, the White House kitchen where Mr. Bush goes to steal moon pies during the night, the lawn and all the men’s rooms he could have visited. Nothing.”

(…)

“If another country discovers the codes are missing, they can launch their missiles knowing full well we can’t retaliate,” says the official. “It’s a race against time.”

“George Bush’s mother is disgusted with her son,” says another insider. “She says since George was a little boy he was always losing his eyeglasses, his homework and now the codes to the nuclear war missiles.

“She phoned the White House and told George: ‘If you don’t find your wallet soon, I’ll fly up from Texas and find it for you. But I’m only bailing you out just this once.’

“Mr. Bush is really scrambling now. He doesn’t want his mom barging into the Oval Office and spotting it right away. She’ll say, ‘See, if it was a spider it would have bit you, George.’ “

This may actually be the only reason why we haven’t nuked Iran yet.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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