Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

December 19th, 2007at 09:54pm Posted by Eli

Hmm. Maybe we liberals haven’t been giving Reagan enough credit…

(By Douglas Maron)

Ronald Reagan[‘s]… kind and benevolent spirit is… back on earth helping people in need.

“He helped me get a job after I was laid off by putting in a good word for me with my new boss,” says Justin Calling, 33, of Akron, Ohio.

And according to Washington-based investigative reporter Phillip Kennerling, who’s tracking the sightings, the Gipper’s ghost also:

o Broke a skydiver’s free fall and dropped him gently on the ground after his parachute failed to open.

o Gave a rookie surgeon a “heads up” when the young doctor inadvertently dropped a college ring into a patient’s abdomen and started to stitch him up.

o Chased away a rabid raccoon that tried to bite an elderly woman who got lost in a national forest after wandering away from home.

“Every time I head one of these stories I just have to shake my head and say, ‘Wow,'” says Kennerling, who’s already hard at work on a book about the sightings.

“These aren’t crackpots we’re talking about. These are rock-solid Americans who have absolutely no reason to lie.

“It’s almost as if Reagan stored up energy over the 10 years he suffered with Alzheimer’s, and now that he’s passed over to the other side, he’s making up for lost time.”

Paranormal researchers agree that Reagan’s spirit returned to earth quickly, and in the words of one, “just might be the hardest-working ghost I’ve ever investigated.

“It’s not just the frequency with which he’s being seen, it’s also the quality of the sightings,” says the expert.

“Reagan’s ghost isn’t rattling around in an attic or making stairs creak in the middle of the night. He’s appearing in broad daylight – and he’s changing people’s lives.”

The WWN then provides case studies of three individuals whose lives were touched by the Ghostly Gipper:

MARLA MONTAG[‘s]… 3-year-old toddler Eric fell into the family’s new swimming pool while she was applying fingernail polish in an upstairs bedroom.

“I heard Eric screaming for help and when I looked out the window I couldn’t see a thing,” she explains. “All of a sudden Ronald Reagan splashes up out of the water and he’s holding Eric in his arms.”

(…)

PAUL KOSYN… says he fell asleep at the wheel of his 18-wheeler late at night and when he woke up, he was trapped in the burning wreckage. “Suddenly somebody ripped the door off the truck and dragged me to safety,” he says. “I looked into the man’s face and as God is my witness, it was Ronald Reagan – the Gipper himself!”

“He said, ‘Well… I guess you dodged a bullet this time, old buddy.’

“Then he just chuckled and disappeared.”

RITA TERAN… says the Gipper’s ghost materialized in her mobile home as she wept bitter tears wondering how she was supposed to buy $300 worth of blood pressure medication with her $79 unemployment check.

“President Reagan put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Don’t cry, Rita. You’ll get your medicine.’ And he vanished into thin air,” she adds.

“And when I looked back down at the table, there were three $100 bills right there in front of me.

“God bless you, Mr. Reagan. Thanks to you, I got my medicine.”

Teddy Roosevelt better watch his back – I think he’s just been keeping that spot on Rushmore warm for its rightful owner.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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