Archive for January 9th, 2008

Spam The Monkey Tonight

I have quite a spam backlog to get through, so let’s get cracking.

First up, a couple of succinct, cryptic, and lewd spam e-mails I received at work:

Subject: BodypartMonsterJennifer

SpaciousPenisCecilia

Hey, I’m pretty sure that was a SpaciousPenisSimon & Garfunkel song! (SpaciousPenisCecilia, you’re breakin’ my heart, you’re shakin’ my confidence daily…)

Subject: CarlaCapaciousPhallus

ThanhFuckstickBouffant

I don’t even want to try to imagine what that might mean. Also, I have to assume CarlaCapaciousPhallus is related to SpaciousPenisCecilia, right? I mean, what are the odds?

Continuing the minimalist theme…

Subject: convenient

albania

I’m a little bit hazy on just what it is I’m meant to buy here. Is Albania for sale, perhaps? Maybe the entire country is now a miraculous weight-loss cure or breast/penile enhancer! Certainly not what I’d call “convenient,” though.

Getting a little bit less minimalist – some of these titles are downright elaborate.

Subject: ostensibly particle accelerator

abound almost cantankerous… wily

“Wily” is on the other side of the attached graphic from the rest – a bold and evocative design move.

Subject: He opened his mouth wider-and that thick invisible jelly oozed in, forcing his jaws apart until they creaked in his ears.

Hell, with a title like that, who needs an actual message?

Finally, a few samples of the ever-popular comment spam – I’ll just run them together into one glorious parade of gibberish:

zoilean discontiguous oxreim terebinth semiellipsoidal praeneural circumradius oolite

biform monosymmetry postinfective perodipus premorning sickled agaricales aramu

Pavlovian unwiser Boone Cadillacs Mexicanizes …

The comment spam never disappoints, and is totally amazing for your vocabulary.

2 comments January 9th, 2008 at 10:05pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Spamoptikon

Who You Gonna Believe?

Hey, remember when Fox News reported that James Carville and Paul Begala were joining Hillary’s campaign? Well, according to Begala, not so much…

I’ve been dealing with the media and politics for 25 years, but I’ve never had a more surrealistic day than January 8. Several times that day Fox News reported that I was joining Sen. Hillary Clinton’s campaign. It was a big story – at least until the stunning election returns.

The only problem was, it wasn’t true.

Fox News never even tried to contact me to verify their story, and when I contacted Fox, I felt like a character in a Kafka novel — or at least Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Fox’s Major Garrett — a good guy whom I’ve known for years — broke the story. My phone started ringing off the hook, and my email box bulged. There are still, thank goodness, a lot of real journalists out there….

After I told Fox it wasn’t true — and this is the surreal part — they kept reporting it anyway. In fact, Fox’s Garrett told me he’d “take it under advisement.” Take it under advisement? I realize I’m generally seen as just another liberal with an opinion, but this was not a matter of opinion, it was a matter of fact. Fox now knew their story was flatly, factually wrong, and they took it “under advisement.”

Apparently that meant repeating the falsehood with added detail: the “fact” that I had been on a conference call the previous day with the Hillary high command. Again, false. My worry is that if this is what one of Fox’s best and most respected reporters is doing, what are the hacks up to?

Begala then posts the actual e-mail exchange with Garrett. It’s amazing:

[Begala:] I know you’re swamped, and I hate to bother you on such a busy news day, but whoever told you I am joining Hillary’s campaign fed you some bum info. It’s just not true….
I’m not coming in as a volunteer, or as an adviser, or as a strategist or anything else. I have contributed to her campaign, and am convinced she would be a great President. But I am not joining the campaign in any form or fashion.
Again, I know how busy you are, but I’d sure appreciate you checking with me before you go with a story about me. This email is always a good way to reach me.

[Garrett:] I genuinely appreciate the e-mail.
I will take it under advisement.
And I look forward to discussing all aspects of the campaign with you in the future.

[Begala:] Just heard you say I was on a conference call with Hillary’s campaign yesterday. That’s not true. I was not on any conference call with Hillary’s campaign – and have had no contact with her campaign for months. No one from her campaign has contacted me — nor have I contacted them — and I am not joining in any capacity, paid or unpaid, official or unofficial….

I have a lot of respect for you, and I like you, but I’ve got to ask you again to check with me before you go with a story about me. Someone is misleading you, and it is not me.

[Garrett:] You know me well enough to know I am not trying to screw you.
You also know, or should know, that I’m careful and don’t have a reputation for pulling stories out of my ass.
I’m not now. The sourcing is strong, very strong, or I wouldn’t go with it.
I appreciate your e-mails and I redouble my efforts with each one I receive.
Please feel free to call me at any hour of any day.

So, basically, Begala tells him a flat no, and Garrett’s response is something like, “Well, that’s just your opinion. You only think you’re not joining Hillary’s campaign, but my sources know you better than you know yourself. I’ll double check with them just in case you actually know what you’re talking about, but I can’t promise anything.”

Hey, maybe Begala’s sleep-advising or has multiple personality disorder, and he really is working for Hillary without even realizing it OMG!

2 comments January 9th, 2008 at 09:18pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Clinton,Democrats,Media,Politics,Wankers

Bye-Bye Bill

This is actually kinda funny.

Bill Gates’s last day at Microsoft, and his quest for something new to occupy his time. Lots of A-List cameos, and Bill Gates rapping. Oh the humanity.

(h/t Engadget)

1 comment January 9th, 2008 at 08:11pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Monday Media Blogging,Technology

Worst. Victory. Speech. Ever.

John McCain’s victory speech in New Hampshire was so awful that even the media that he’s the straight-talking maverick darling of took shots at it:

In stark contrast to Obama’s speech in Iowa, declared Republican primary winner John McCain’s victory speech in New Hampshire decidedly underwhelmed the pundits on MSNBC, including Keith Olbermann, Joe Scarborough, Gene Robinson, Howard Fineman and Katrina Vanden Heuvel.

JS: That speech! Oh my God!

KO: All right, calm down…he’s still on the stage. You’re going to be…you can’t…you can’t boo a candidate while he’s still on the stage the night he won, Joe. Do I have to teach you everything about politics all of the sudden?

JS: Thank you, Keith. Thank you. I tell you, one think I can teach, and we were all talking about it here. It is absolutely remarkable…

KO: Don’t read the speech?

JS: That at this moment…yes, please. If this is your introduction to America in 2008, do not have your head looking straight down into a speech that Howard, Howard Fineman, what’d you say it looked like?

HF: It looked like every advisor he ever had had given him one paragraph?

GR: One sentence…

HF: One sentence…but he read them all.

GR: But he dropped them on his way to the podium and re-sorted them in random order.

I watched it, and yes, it really was that bad. McCain just droned aimlessly on and on and on and on (interspersed with chants of “Mac is back!”, “John McCain!” and “USA!”), and it just seemed to go forever. It was like the Lord Of The Rings trilogy: Several hours long, and with a bunch of fake endings. I was begging for mercy before the halfway point.

1 comment January 9th, 2008 at 11:15am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Elections,McCain,Media,Republicans

Misogynistic MoDo

Once again, MoDo has written a truly cringeworthy column:

When I walked into the office Monday, people were clustering around a computer to watch what they thought they would never see: Hillary Clinton with the unmistakable look of tears in her eyes.

A woman gazing at the screen was grimacing, saying it was bad. Three guys watched it over and over, drawn to the “humanized” Hillary. One reporter who covers security issues cringed. “We are at war,” he said. “Is this how she’ll talk to Kim Jong-il?”

Another reporter joked: “That crying really seemed genuine. I’ll bet she spent hours thinking about it beforehand.” He added dryly: “Crying doesn’t usually work in campaigns. Only in relationships.”

Bill Clinton was known for biting his lip, but here was Hillary doing the Muskie. Certainly it was impressive that she could choke up and stay on message.

She won her Senate seat after being embarrassed by a man. She pulled out New Hampshire and saved her presidential campaign after being embarrassed by another man. She was seen as so controlling when she ran for the Senate that she had to be seen as losing control, as she did during the Monica scandal, before she seemed soft enough to attract many New York voters.

(…)

The Obama campaign calculated that they had the women’s vote over the weekend but watched it slip away in the track of her tears.

(…)

There was a poignancy about the moment, seeing Hillary crack with exhaustion from decades of yearning to be the principal rather than the plus-one. But there was a whiff of Nixonian self-pity about her choking up. What was moving her so deeply was her recognition that the country was failing to grasp how much it needs her. In a weirdly narcissistic way, she was crying for us. But it was grimly typical of her that what finally made her break down was the prospect of losing.

(…)

At her victory party, Hillary was like the heroine of a Lifetime movie, a woman in peril who manages to triumph. Saying that her heart was full, she sounded the feminist anthem: “I found my own voice.”

Feh. I still don’t care for Hillary for policy and Mark Penn reasons, but this is just ugly, as MoDo often is. Look, I’m not asking that she be all “You go, sister!”, but could she at least be less misogynist than Phyllis Schlafly or Ann Coulter?

1 comment January 9th, 2008 at 07:13am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Clinton,Elections,Media,Politics,Wankers


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