All According To Plan…

2 comments January 16th, 2008at 11:44am Posted by Eli

Kung Fu Monkey may be on to something here:

PRESENT: AGENT [REDACTED], ASSET CODENAME/TOXIC
Preliminary Interview
Interview already in progress, see Transcript #194BSZ

Toxic: So what am I looking at here?
Agent: Osama Bin Laden’s cave headquarters near Tora Bora. Footage was shot by a Marine Recon Team….

Agent: …Well, as you can see as we enter Osama’s personal chambers …

Toxic: Oh my.
Agent: Yes.
Toxic: I mean, a lot of people have “… Baby One More Time”, but —
Agent: On that shelf next to the poster for the Onyx Hotel Tour, those are bootleg tapes. Of your Mickey Mouse Club appearances.
Toxic: Oh.
Agent: Mmm-hmm.
Toxic: That’s just gross, y’all.
Agent: Our official judgment as well.
Toxic: Wow, he’s even got “And Then We Kiss”.
Agent: Based on this evidence, our profilers believe you have the best chance of getting close to Osama Bin Laden. He is utterly obsessed with you.

(PAUSE / 8 SECONDS)

Agent: Miss [redacted]?
Toxic: Anything for my country
Agent: We’re not going to lie to you. You’re America’s pop princess. There’s no way he’s going to believe you just decided to “hook” up with him. No way he’s got a chance with you at the height of your fame and power. We need —
Toxic: — to ruin me.
Agent: A downward spiral. Very public, very messy. This is deep cover, Miss [redacted]. Not everybody comes back.
Toxic: What’s the timetable?
Agent: To make it convincing? Years. At least. Sham marriage. Alcohol and drug abuse, multiple psychological problems. We need to go completely over the top, too, to make it convincing. And then …
Toxic: Then what?
Agent: You contact any one of these paparazzi we’ve had under surveillance. They’re all of Middle Eastern or Muslim descent. Begin a relationship. Our profilers feel that at that point, Bin Laden will figure he has a chance, and will make the call.
Toxic: What do I do when that happens?
Agent: You’ll receive weapons training.
Toxic: I understand.

Well, she is very patriotic…

This would also explain why she doesn’t want custody of her children, or even visitation rights – if her cover is broken, anyone close to her will not be safe. Fortunately, this blog is an excellent place to hide classified information where no-one will ever see it.

Entry Filed under: Terrorism

2 Comments

  • 1. Ruth  |  January 16th, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    Thank heavens, her secret is safe with us. Shaving of the head was inspired, shows a yearning to remove the temptations… of course, we’ll keep it from the world here.

  • 2. Eli  |  January 16th, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    Or maybe just symbolic of her fresh start with a new mission. Or maybe that was when she started her combat training, kind of like a GI Jane thing.


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