Archive for February 19th, 2008

…Or So The Germans Would Have Us Believe.

Finally, a magazine for me!

Have you seen the latest issue of Paranoia magazine?

No? Well, that’s not surprising, is it? There’s a very good reason why you haven’t seen it: They don’t want you to see it. They know that Paranoia exposes them and their secret conspiracies to control every aspect of human life.

Who are they? Good question. That’s exactly what they don’t want you to know. And it’s exactly what Paranoia reveals in every issue. They are the secret government. They are the Freemasons, the CIA, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Bilderberg Group, the New World Order, the Secret Council of Ten. They are the people who killed JFK, who covered up the truth about UFOs, who plotted the attacks of 9/11. They control the world and everything in it, including your mind unless you’ve got a tinfoil hat like the one I’m wearing right now to prevent them from bombarding my brain with secret mind-control rays.

Wait a minute . . . where was I? Oh, right, Paranoia magazine. It’s an incredible magazine, founded in 1992, circulation 15,000, published three times a year and packed with the kind of information that the mainstream media won’t tell you because they are part of them.

The latest issue reveals a secret Pentagon plot to control the weather with radio signals. It also reveals the secret connection between the JFK assassination and “the contamination of the polio vaccine with cancer-causing monkey viruses.”

That right there is one of the greatest sentences ever written.

This issue of Paranoia also reveals that David Icke, the British conspiracy theorist who disclosed in a previous issue of Paranoia that the queen of England is really a shape-shifting Satanic reptile, is himself funded by money that comes from the Rockefellers, who Icke had previously identified as “reptilian full-bloods.” It kinda makes you wonder about Icke, doesn’t it?

And that’s not all. The new issue of Paranoia also has a story about Lt. Col. Tom Bearden a “microphysics wizard” who has revealed that “1) Nothing contains everything” and “2) we can get something for nothing.” Bearden is a genius who knows how to get unlimited free energy but his knowledge is suppressed by what he calls “an agency with a three letter acronym.”

Now, I know you’re thinking “that sounds crazy,” but the article on Bearden wasn’t written by some nut. It was written by Iona Miller, who is a “hypnotherapist” and “multimedia artist” who describes her work as a combination of “new physics, biophysics, paramedia, philosophy, cosmology, healing, creativity, qabalah, magick, metaphysics and society.” So obviously she knows her stuff.


[Pseudonymous co-publisher Al] Hidell admitted that he doesn’t believe all the conspiracy theories advanced in the pages of Paranoia. For instance, he’s a little skeptical of Icke’s theory that the queen of England and the Rockefellers are really shape-shifting Satanic reptiles from outer space. But then he adds this about Icke: “For all we know, he’s putting all that in purposely so people think he’s just a nut and he can keep publishing.”


Since he and [also pseudonymous co-publisher Joan] D’Arc founded Paranoia 15 years ago, Hidell said, the mainstream media has become very interested in conspiracy theories. He mentioned the TV show “The X-Files” and the History Channel’s documentaries on secret societies, and, of course, “The Da Vinci Code.”

“Why are ‘they’ allowing conspiracy theories to go mainstream?” he asked. “If there is a group that controls the world — and I’m not saying there is — they’re probably not going to allow movies to be made about themselves, are they?”

Alas, there doesn’t seem to be any information about how to get a subscription, but I suppose I shouldn’t find that surprising.

February 19th, 2008 at 11:48pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Media,Weirdness

In Space, No-One Everyone Can Hear You Scream

…Or prattle about your personal problems:

Even in the cosmos there will be no escaping the ringtone as NASA and the British National Space Centre prepare to trial a mobile phone network for the moon.

Astronauts and robots exploring the moon’s surface will only be a text message away after the system goes live later this century.

The satellite system should ensure a full four-bar signal for lunar colonists living in the base NASA wants to build at the south pole of the moon after 2020.


Phone calls and other information would be bounced off satellites orbiting the moon for communication between colonists, the moon base, and the Earth.

The joint NASA/BNSC MoonLite mission, due to be launched after 2012, will test a prototype version of the satellite phone network, similar to the Inmarsat network on Earth.


The early lunar system will be comparable to the “satellite phone network of the 1980s and 1990s on Earth,” said David Parker, director of space science at the BNSC. “The robots and astronauts would be spread out from the base to do exploration and some sorts of comms infrastructure would be needed. MoonLite is taking the first step towards that network.”

The explorer will rely on the expertise of BNSC satellite specialists from Guildford, who have built 27 satellites to date, with NASA making the communications module.

The final system would initially be served by one or two satellites providing coverage of the south pole, with scope for more satellites to be added as a greater range is required.


February 19th, 2008 at 10:38pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Technology,Weirdness

If You Could Bring Back One President…

Gallup asked an interesting question for President’s Day:

Suppose you could bring back any of the U.S. presidents, living or dead, to be the next president of the United States. Who would you most want to be the next president?

Me personally, I think FDR would be perfect for the situation in which we find ourselves – he inherited a United States in the direst possible straits, and he fixed it. He actually won his (just and necessary) war, and used it to grow the economy instead of destroying it. He also created much of the social safety net that the Republicans have done so much to erode. And perhaps most importantly of all, he was fearless and tough, and refused to be intimidated by his enemies.

Yes, I think FDR is exactly what we need now. Does America agree? Er, not so much…

JFK? Really? I guess I can see the reasoning behind that, and of course the Republicans luuurrrve their Reagans, but I’m really surprised FDR didn’t get more respect here. I suppose I should just be heartened that outright evil people only got 25% of the total…

(h/t to The All-Seeing Eye Of Froomkin)

February 19th, 2008 at 09:36pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Polls

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

I wouldn’t have thought it possible to be afraid of Elmo, but this is just badwrong:

For the love of God, what is wrong with his arms???

(h/t Engadget)

February 19th, 2008 at 08:53pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging,Technology,Weirdness

Best. Scientific. Name. Ever.

SUNY-Stony Brook


A frog the size of a bowling ball, with heavy armor and teeth, lived among dinosaurs millions of years ago — intimidating enough that scientists who unearthed its fossils dubbed the beast Beelzebufo, or Devil Toad.

But its size — 10 pounds and 16 inches long — isn’t the only curiosity. Researchers discovered the creature’s bones in Madagascar. Yet it seems to be a close relative of normal-sized frogs who today live half a world away in South America, challenging assumptions about ancient geography.

The discovery, led by paleontologist David Krause at New York’s Stony Brook University, was published Monday by the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

“This frog, if it has the same habits as its living relatives in South America, was quite voracious,” Krause said. “It’s even conceivable that it could have taken down some hatchling dinosaurs.”

Awesome. All hail the Devil Toad.

February 19th, 2008 at 08:29pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Science,Weirdness

Union Fails To Kiss CBC’s Ring. CBC Angry.

Well, SEIU’s gone and done it now. They backed an actual progressive in the MD-04 Democratic primary over a pro-war, pro-corporate corruptocrat, and the Congressional Black Caucus is… displeased:

Members of the Congressional Black Caucus are seething at the Service Employees International Union for the group’s involvement in helping to defeat Rep. Albert Wynn (D-Md.) in a primary last week, the latest manifestation of what some say is a larger problem that exists between the two groups.

Following a closed-door CBC meeting on Wednesday, the day after Wynn’s landslide loss to lawyer and community activist Donna Edwards (D), CBC Chairwoman Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (D-Mich.) plans to reach out to SEIU President Andrew Stern and request a meeting to discuss caucus members’ concerns.


Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) and several other CBC members said there was palpable anger within the group over Wynn’s treatment. He said members believe the eight-term lawmaker did not have an anti-labor voting record and they are perplexed as to why he was so aggressively targeted.

“The Black Caucus members are very upset,” Cummings said last week. “I’m very upset. I think my fellow members think he didn’t deserve that.”

Anti-Wynn ads paid for by SEIU’s Committee on Political Education blanketed local airwaves in the final weeks before Tuesday’s primary. SEIU-COPE reported spending at least $875,000 to communicate to voters in Maryland’s 4th district on Edwards’ behalf, with the bulk of that going for television advertising.


Wynn voted in favor of the Iraq War resolution in 2002 and bankruptcy reform in 2005, two positions that Edwards hammered the incumbent on during the race. She also pointed to the hundreds of thousands of dollars in corporate political contributions Wynn had accepted in an effort to paint him as more beholden to industry interests than his constituents.

“Our members did not feel that Al Wynn was representing their interests anymore,” Mueller said. “The Representative wasn’t listening to the constituents in his own district.”

Here’s the part that really disturbs me, though:

[A CBC member who wished to remain anonymous] said that aside from the union’s involvement in Wynn’s primary, his colleagues are upset about the “glaring disparity” in SEIU’s political action committee giving to vulnerable Democrats compared to its contributions to CBC members, most of whom sit in politically safe districts but have strong voting records on labor issues.

“It’s very disheartening,” the CBC member said, pointing out that SEIU represents a membership that is largely made up of African-Americans and minorities while the union’s leadership is majority white.


The Member asserted that CBC members are less likely to receive the maximum contribution from SEIU’s PAC largely because they are considered safe politically.

According to CQ MoneyLine, SEIU doled out a little more than $1 million to federal candidates and PACs in 2007. Of that amount, at least $98,000 was distributed among 22 members of the CBC and their PACs.

Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fla.) said the CBC needs to have a broader discussion with SEIU about the union’s pattern of giving.

“We have a need to talk with our friends in labor about the disparity in giving to those of us who have tremendous records,” Hastings said.

So… let me get this straight. The CBC is mad that SEIU isn’t donating to members who… don’t need it? I assume that SEIU is making strategic decisions on how best to leverage limited financial resources, so to me it makes perfect sense to focus their donations on candidates who need it rather than candidates in safe seats. To me it sounds like the CBC is not asking for help so much as demanding tribute.

Maybe the CBC is just used to corporate donors who use their deeper pockets to buy loyalty rather than elect progressives.

February 19th, 2008 at 07:52pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Democrats,Labor,Politics,Wankers

Quote Of The Day

From Dubya’s press conference reacting to Fidel Castro’s retirement:

There will be an interesting debate that will arise eventually. There will be some who say, let’s promote stability. Of course, in the meantime, political prisoners will rot in prison, and the human condition will remain pathetic in many cases….

Yes, because Dubya cares soooo much about people who are unjustly imprisoned on the island of Cuba with no recourse for release.

Is he completely devoid of self-awareness, or is he just deliberately winding us up? Hell, for all I know he could actually be blaming Fidel for Gitmo – I mean, if he can blame Saddam for al Qaeda in Iraq…

(h/t to The All-Seeing Eye Of Froomkin)

February 19th, 2008 at 06:34pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Constitution,Quotes,Torture,Wankers


Well, it looks like today is a big day for foreign government developments. Fidel Castro resigned as dictator president of Cuba, and Musharraf’s party got its ass kicked in Pakistan’s elections (and Musharraf seems to be accepting that… for now).

Hopefully this bodes well for us in November, but more likely it will all be cited as proof that Teh Surge is working, and/or that we need more of it.

February 19th, 2008 at 11:14am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Elections,Politics

John McCain: Still Teh Awesome

Arianna has a great post on how John McCain still can do no wrong:

Despite an avalanche of evidence showing that McCain the Maverick has long ago been replaced by McCain the Pandering Pawn of the Party’s Right Wing, the press refuses to believe its own eyes.

The latest demonstration of the enormous lag time between the presentation of a new reality and the media’s willingness to update the conventional wisdom comes via those bastions of the traditional media, The New Yorker and the New York Times.

The latest New Yorker features a loving 7,000+ word profile of McCain by Ryan Lizza that portrays him as a moderate who has “the rare opportunity to reinvent what it means to be a Republican.”

Let’s see, McCain has bowed to the party’s lunatic fringe on tax cuts, immigration, the intolerance of religious bigots, and torture… so exactly how is he reinventing what it means to be a Republican? By shortening the amount of time it takes before a candidate is hijacked by the Right, perhaps?


But Lizza doesn’t want to buy it. Even as he lists all the examples of McCain’s “brazen pandering,” he insists that McCain is “principled” and “has a record of sticking to a position even when it puts his political future at risk.” Other than all the times he’s shifted his position in order to advance his political future, I suppose.

The media are so reluctant to give up their entrenched view of McCain that “principled” and “pandering” are no longer seen as mutually exclusive terms. Indeed, that was the animating premise of Nicholas Kristof’s head-scratching column in Sunday’s New York Times: that McCain has become the world’s most principled panderer.

“Mr. McCain truly has principles that he bends or breaks out of desperation and with distaste,” writes Kristof. In Kristof’s through-the-looking-glass world, it’s apparently a higher order of pandering if you start with deeply held core convictions that you trash in the name of political expediency while feeling really bad about it.


In the New Yorker piece, Newt Gingrich, in full stand up comedy mode, claims that McCain’s looming nomination “is the victory of the moderate wing” of the GOP — of which he now counts himself a member! — and that with McCain, “for the first time since Eisenhower, you have someone who has clearly not accommodated the conservative wing winning the nomination. That is a remarkable achievement.”

It says everything you need to know about how strong the Right’s stranglehold on the Republican Party has become that Newt Gingrich, the original barbarian at the GOP gate leading the 1994 right wing revolution, is now considered a voice of moderation. And that capitulating on torture and tax cuts and immigration and intolerance and out-Bushing Bush on Iraq can be seen as “not accommodating” the right….

See, this is why McCain scares me so much as a candidate. No other candidate has more unearned adoration from the media. No matter how blatantly dishonest and pandering he gets, the media will twist themselves into knots to either ignore it or to spin it as further proof of his straight-talking maverick integrity. They have fallen in love with that myth and will not give it up. Even the right-wing pundits who purport to hate him claim that it’s because he’s too independent from the crazy wing of the party.

February 19th, 2008 at 07:14am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Elections,McCain,Media,Politics,Republicans,Torture

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