…Or So The Germans Would Have Us Believe.

February 19th, 2008at 11:48pm Posted by Eli

Finally, a magazine for me!

Have you seen the latest issue of Paranoia magazine?

No? Well, that’s not surprising, is it? There’s a very good reason why you haven’t seen it: They don’t want you to see it. They know that Paranoia exposes them and their secret conspiracies to control every aspect of human life.

Who are they? Good question. That’s exactly what they don’t want you to know. And it’s exactly what Paranoia reveals in every issue. They are the secret government. They are the Freemasons, the CIA, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Bilderberg Group, the New World Order, the Secret Council of Ten. They are the people who killed JFK, who covered up the truth about UFOs, who plotted the attacks of 9/11. They control the world and everything in it, including your mind unless you’ve got a tinfoil hat like the one I’m wearing right now to prevent them from bombarding my brain with secret mind-control rays.

Wait a minute . . . where was I? Oh, right, Paranoia magazine. It’s an incredible magazine, founded in 1992, circulation 15,000, published three times a year and packed with the kind of information that the mainstream media won’t tell you because they are part of them.

The latest issue reveals a secret Pentagon plot to control the weather with radio signals. It also reveals the secret connection between the JFK assassination and “the contamination of the polio vaccine with cancer-causing monkey viruses.”

That right there is one of the greatest sentences ever written.

This issue of Paranoia also reveals that David Icke, the British conspiracy theorist who disclosed in a previous issue of Paranoia that the queen of England is really a shape-shifting Satanic reptile, is himself funded by money that comes from the Rockefellers, who Icke had previously identified as “reptilian full-bloods.” It kinda makes you wonder about Icke, doesn’t it?

And that’s not all. The new issue of Paranoia also has a story about Lt. Col. Tom Bearden a “microphysics wizard” who has revealed that “1) Nothing contains everything” and “2) we can get something for nothing.” Bearden is a genius who knows how to get unlimited free energy but his knowledge is suppressed by what he calls “an agency with a three letter acronym.”

Now, I know you’re thinking “that sounds crazy,” but the article on Bearden wasn’t written by some nut. It was written by Iona Miller, who is a “hypnotherapist” and “multimedia artist” who describes her work as a combination of “new physics, biophysics, paramedia, philosophy, cosmology, healing, creativity, qabalah, magick, metaphysics and society.” So obviously she knows her stuff.

(…)

[Pseudonymous co-publisher Al] Hidell admitted that he doesn’t believe all the conspiracy theories advanced in the pages of Paranoia. For instance, he’s a little skeptical of Icke’s theory that the queen of England and the Rockefellers are really shape-shifting Satanic reptiles from outer space. But then he adds this about Icke: “For all we know, he’s putting all that in purposely so people think he’s just a nut and he can keep publishing.”

(…)

Since he and [also pseudonymous co-publisher Joan] D’Arc founded Paranoia 15 years ago, Hidell said, the mainstream media has become very interested in conspiracy theories. He mentioned the TV show “The X-Files” and the History Channel’s documentaries on secret societies, and, of course, “The Da Vinci Code.”

“Why are ‘they’ allowing conspiracy theories to go mainstream?” he asked. “If there is a group that controls the world — and I’m not saying there is — they’re probably not going to allow movies to be made about themselves, are they?”

Alas, there doesn’t seem to be any information about how to get a subscription, but I suppose I shouldn’t find that surprising.

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Media,Weirdness


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