Archive for March 26th, 2008

Eli’s Obsession With The Google

On the first page of search results for psychotic stink.

I’ll be smiling about that all day tomorrow.

March 26th, 2008 at 09:53pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Eli's Obsession With The Google

Simple Answers To Simple Questions, Episode 839

Today’s contestant: Think Progress!

In a speech before the Los Angeles World Affairs Council today, Sen. John McCain will argue “for the United States to work more collegially with democratic nations and live up to its duties as a world leader.”  McCain’s address is being touted by the media as “a fresh acknowledgment” of the strain the Bush years have put on America’s relationship with its allies.

In his speech today, McCain will say:

Our great power does not mean we can do whatever we want whenever we want, nor should we assume we have all the wisdom and knowledge necessary to succeed. We need to listen to the views and respect the collective will of our democratic allies. When we believe international action is necessary, whether military, economic, or diplomatic, we will try to persuade our friends that we are right. But we, in return, must be willing to be persuaded by them.

But missing from both McCain’s remarks and the pre-coverage of his speech is “a fresh acknowledgment” of the fact that McCain has often acted less than collegial towards international allies with whom he disagrees.

For instance, during the rush to war with Iraq, McCain took great joy in childishly bashing France for its opposition to the war:

MCCAIN: [The French] remind me of an aging movie actress in the 1940s who’s still trying to dine out on her looks, but doesn’t have the face for it. The cynical role – the cynical role that France is playing proves that if – if you are not – you cannot be a great nation unless you have great purpose. And they’ve lost their purpose. And it’s very unfortunate, and perhaps Churchill and Roosevelt made a very serious mistake when they decided to give France a veto in the Security Council, following – when the United Nations was organized. [CBS, 2/16/03]


McCain has been equally vehement regarding the French: “The Lord said the poor will always be with us, and the French will be with us, too. This is part of a continuing French practice of throwing sand in the gears of the Atlantic alliance.” [Arizona Republic, 2/19/03]

Will the media give the contradiction between McCain’s speech and his record of French-bashing their customary “free ride“?


Tune in next week, when we will explore the Pope’s religious denomination and set the record straight on ursine bathroom habits.

March 26th, 2008 at 08:26pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Iraq,McCain,Media,Politics,Republicans,Wankers,War

My Can’t-Miss Product Idea

Giallo Pudding Pops.

The ad campaign would feature Bill Cosby in the throes of a bizarre psychosexual rage, using the product to slaughter people in a variety of lurid and creative ways, his trademark impish grin frozen into a Joker-like rictus of doom.

I don’t see how it could possibly miss.


(Artist’s conception by the shadowy and phenomenally talented Codename V.)

March 26th, 2008 at 06:20pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Favorites,Movies,Puns

Why I Don’t Have A Dog


Stupid favoritism.

March 26th, 2008 at 11:20am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Comics

Hit That Fuckin’ Clown

Well, this is bizarre and not-encouraging…

GMAC Bank is suing mortgage company HTFC for selling improperly secured loans, which lead to the hilariously blue and aggressive deposition from HTFC CEO Aron Wider. Wider dropped the f-bomb 73 times, frustrating the opposing counsel’s attempts to get him to answer difficult questions like “Where are you currently employed?” Some of the more colorful and creative expletives from the testimony of Mr. Wider, who, according to his company website, serves as company Coprorate Information [sic], CEO / Senior Underwriter, and Radio Engineer, inside…

Q: My question is where are you currently employed.
A: I’ m not. I just told [you] I work for free.
Q: OK. You’re not employed by the HTFC Corporation?
A: Hit That Fuckin’ Clown. That’s what it means. notes that the classy Mr. Wider got hit by a $29, 000 sanction for his performance, despite his lawyer’s claim that his abusive language was caused by an anxiety disorder.

Q: This is your loan file. What do Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald do for a living?
A: I don’t know. Open it up and find it.
Q: Look at your loan file and tell me.
A: Open it up and find it. I’m not your fucking bitch.
Q: Take a look at your loan application.
A: Do it yourself. Do it yourself. You want to do this in front of a judge. Would you prefer to [do] this in front of a judge? Then, shut the fuck up.
Q: Sir, take a look–
A: I’m taking a break. Fuck him. You open up the document. You want me to look at something, you get the document out. Earn your fucking money, asshole. Better get used to it. You’ll retire when I’m done.

Wow, the mortgage industry is helmed by individuals of such sterling character and class. How it then imploded still remains a complete mystery. Wider and his attorney were subsequently fined $29,000 by a federal judge for violating the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.

I hope this guy’s an aberration, or we’re all doomed.

(h/t Stoller)

March 26th, 2008 at 07:20am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Corruption/Cronyism,Economy,Weirdness

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