Archive for April 30th, 2008

Libby Judge Misses Signal

Dubya was sending a message all right, but not the one Reggie Walton thinks:

When President Bush erased the prison term of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, he reinforced some Americans’ perception that status can affect justice, according to the judge who sentenced Libby.


Walton, whom Bush nominated to the District of Columbia bench, acknowledged Tuesday that Bush’s decision was part of the system, but he also said it fed some people’s notion that justice isn’t equal.


“The downside is there are a lot of people in America who think that justice is determined to a large degree by who you are and that what you have plays a large role in what kind of justice you receive. . . . It is crucial that the American public respect the rule of law, or people won’t follow it.”

That was not the message Dubya sent at all (besides, it’s not like anyone needed him to spell it out for them).  No, his message was that if you break the law on his behalf, he’ll see to it that you’re untouchable.

If it’s not a pardon, it’s the all-purpose handy-dandy shield of Executive Privilege, or State Secrets.  Even if they’re completely groundless, they can be used to drag the congressional investigation process out until the Democrats give up and the public forgets, or until the next president takes office. (Yes, I’m assuming that that will be Congress’s cue to drop all pending investigations – you got a problem with that?)

So if he ever asks you to break the law for him, you should totally do it ‘cuz he’s got your back.  Too bad he’s having trouble getting Congress to help out his telecom buddies…

(h/t Twolf)

3 comments April 30th, 2008 at 11:10pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Corruption/Cronyism,Judiciary,Libby/Plame

Inouyieberman? DINOuye?

Dude, what are you thinking???

Hawaii Democratic Senator Daniel Inouye is headlining a fundraiser for Alaska Senator Ted “Tubes” Stevens. Stevens, despite 40 years in the Senate, is considered vulnerable this year: Stevens is under federal investigation for his possible involvement in a corruption scandal that has rocked the Alaskan Republican establishment, and he is facing a strong Democratic challenge from Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich.

Apparently they’ve been incredibly close friends for decades, but Democrats have been close friends before without campaigning for each other.  Or, more specifically, without the Democrat campaigning on behalf of the Republican…

April 30th, 2008 at 10:10pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Democrats,Elections,Politics,Wankers

Tim Russert Is A Sad, Pathetic Little Man

What an insecure loser:

It seems that Arianna Huffington has run up against the impenetrable wall that is Tim Russert’s ego. Huffington, who is currently on tour for her new book Right Is Wrong: How The Lunatic Fringe Hijacked America, Shredded The Constitution, and Made Us All Less Safe, will be appearing on CNN, ABC, and CBS.  She had been booked on Morning Joe and Countdown with Keith Olbermann as well, but those bookings were suddenly and inexplicably cancelled.

NBC confirmed that Huffington wouldn’t be booked on any NBC-affiliated show to promote her book, but refused to explain why.  Huffington’s people say that this is Tim Russert’s doing, that Russert is out for revenge because Huffington called him a “conventional wisdom zombie” in her book and devoted seven pages to faulting Russert for allowing his Meet the Press guests to go unchallenged (not to mention HuffPo’s RussertWatch).

If Huffington’s claim is true and Russert has been pulling rank with NBC, then this whole affair smacks of immature middle-school antics.  Is Russert really that sensitive that he can’t take criticism from Huffington?  And if he truly thinks his show hasn’t become an outlet for Bush administration figures to push their message uncontested (as Huffington suggests), then shouldn’t he bring Huffington on and challenge her assertions?  Or, at the very least, allow Huffington to go on another NBC show?

Way to prove that Arianna was totally wrong and you really are a Totally Awesome Journalist Of Integrity, Timmeh.  Well played.

April 30th, 2008 at 07:23pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Politics,Wankers

Did I Miss It?

Has anyone compared Rev. Wright to Sister Souljah yet?

And how come Republican candidates are never obliged to denounce right-wing crazies to reassure Americans about how reasonable and moderate they are?

2 comments April 30th, 2008 at 11:22am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Elections,Obama,Racism,Religion

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Ever wonder what kind of God the space aliens worship?

WEEKLY World News sources have confirmed that a professor at Webster University… is in possession of a book that was printed on another world. What’s more, the thick volume isn’t a cookbook.

“It’s an alien bible,” said 41- year-old linguistics professor, Dr. Emmanuel Johnson, whose skill with foreign languages has earned him the nickname “Magic.” “And wait till you hear who their god is!”

The book was discovered by construction workers who were on their lunch break at the ‘Big Dig,’ the city’s new interstate tunnel. While the workers watched TV, the foreman was crushing soda cans against his massive forehead. When he ran out of them, he looked for something else to prove he was a hardhead as well as a hardhat. That was when he saw a large container half-buried in the earth. He dug it out, struck it hard against his brow and passed out. The vessel was unharmed but one of the workers spotted strange writing on the outside. Dr. Johnson was summoned along with paramedics.

“The first thing I noticed was that the markings were not the petroglyphs of Native Americans,” Dr. Johnson said. “There were numbers and mathematical signs. One of them almost looked like the letters UPN and NBC. If I didn’t know better I’d have sworn they were a TV schedule.”


Back in his library, Dr. Johnson opened the container.

“Being whacked against the foreman’s head had loosened the top,” Dr. Johnson said. “It popped right off. I began to wonder if, in fact, that was how the aliens opened containers on their world. If so, they must have suffered brain damage over time.”

Inside, Dr. Johnson found a small, thick book. The cover illustration showed a constellation that bore the unmistakable likeness of Oprah Winfrey. Stunned, he opened the book, which consisted of multicolored, cloth-like materials. The writing glowed when the professor looked at it.

“It was an illuminated manuscript,” Dr. Johnson explained. “I was immediately able to translate the title, which is called Their Eyes Are Watching Me. The book was comprised of two sections: A Sacred Alien Testament: Written and a Sacred Alien Testament: Oral.”

“The Written Testament is the shorter of the two. Apparently, the aliens didn’t like to read much,” said Dr. Johnson. “The text explains that Oprahs exist on many worlds. There are probably colonies of them throughout the universe, possibly a Planet of the Oprahs. They all spring from the Oprah who wrote the alien bible. It is likely that Earth’s own Ms. Winfrey is descended from these beings.

“The Oral Testament actually speaks to the reader,” Dr. Johnson revealed. “Naturally, it talks in the authoritative but reassuring voice of Oprah.

“It begins with a section called ‘Syndication,’ which encourages aliens to do good deeds on other worlds, including the Earth,” Dr. Johnson continued. “We suspect that the alien visitors who owned this bible were missionaries, members of Oprah’s ‘The Angel Connection.’ It instructs acolytes on the basics of worship, including the use of something called ‘the remote.’

“Then there’s a section called ‘The Boutique’ where you can obtain items like loungewear for worship, mugs for sacred beverages and caps to show your devotion to the ‘Big O’ as she is also called. This is followed by ‘The Books of Oprah’ which are a collection of stories and poems she likes. Most of these were written by an angel named Maya. Next there’s a chapter called ‘Ooooo’ which is all about the do’s and don’ts of sex. Finally, there’s a very thin section on dealing with ‘loss’ — weight loss. The foundation of the diet is the consumption of something called ‘stedman graham crackers.’ This chapter contains erasures which suggest that it was once much, much thicker. “We have only begun to delve into the volume, which is extremely complex.”

Dr. Johnson intends to continue his studies of the alien bible and the other artifacts from the Big Dig.

“All I can say is I hope the aliens return to Earth,” he told Weekly World News. “They’d be impressed at how much Oprah has influenced our own culture!”

I believe the ur-Oprah that all other Oprahs are descended from is known as “The Grand Ol’ Oprah.”

April 30th, 2008 at 07:33am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Lurita Done

I’m always interested to see just how much it takes to get fired from the Bush administration.  You have to be either pretty good or really bad.  Lurita Doan was not pretty good.

Lurita Doan, head of the General Services Administration, was forced to offer her resignation tonight, according to an e-mail she sent out this evening.

Doan was appointed in late May, 2006, becoming the first woman to serve as GSA Administrator. With 12,000 empioyees and a $20 billion annual budget, GSA has responsibilty for overseeing the thousands of building and properties owned by the federal government.

Doan became the subject of congressional scrutiny last year for allegedly using GSA to help Republican lawmakers win re-election. Doan denied the allegation, but her appearance before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee was disastrous. Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.), chairman of the panel, called on Doan to resign over the allegations, but Doan refused to do so.

Heckuva job, uh… Doanie.

April 30th, 2008 at 12:07am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Corruption/Cronyism,Politics,Republicans

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