Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

May 28th, 2008at 11:20am Posted by Eli

Very superstitious…

“People know that bad luck is supposed to befall anyone whose path is crossed by a black cat,” said superstition expert David Goth. “However, my findings indicate that cats are only one of many ominous creatures to be avoided.”

While researching the Salem Witch Trials last month, Goth discovered a book called Black Beasts.

“It was hidden in the floorboards of a house that belonged to the first coven to dwell in the town,” said Goth. “It’s over four hundred years old and details a number of hitherto unknown spells and curses. But I was most interested in the reported consequences of encountering other black animals.”

The first cursed animals mentioned in Black Beasts were goats.

“While not much of a problem now, people often had black goats cross their paths in the 1600s, when farmers commonly walked them through the town,” said Goth. “Little did these agrarian people know that they were causing the facial hair of onlookers to grow one hundred times faster than normal.”

Goth released a list of other hexed creatures that witches used to work evil spells. Among them were:

Black flies: They make people deathly allergic to insect bites.

Black horses: They give people huge sores on their seats.

Black birds: They make people fall out of love with their spouses.

Black bats: They trap the blood in a person’s head and cause terrible migraines.

Black bears: They put people into a coma for several months.

Black squirrels: They drive people nuts.

“This book could explain a number of mysterious maladies that people have suffered over the years,” said Goth. “I was most intrigued by the animal that caused family members to suddenly hate and ostracize the person whose path it crossed.

“I’m definitely going to stay away from black sheep from now on.”

“David Goth”?

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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