Archive for June 3rd, 2008

Right-Wing Doublespeak Euphemism Of The Day

From a right-wing gun nut in S.W.A.T. Magazine, complaining that the Bush administration and GOP have totally betrayed the gun movement(!):

The [Justice Dept.] brief should have simply expressed the clear intent of the Founders that the right to keep and bear arms protected the Second Amendment should be treated with as much respect as the right to free speech protected by the First Amendment. As the gun grabbing Brady Campaign acknowledges, such a finding by the Supreme Court could open the door to striking down as unconstitutional most, if not all, of the victim disarmament laws on the books.

“Victim disarmament laws.”  Awesome.  Maybe even better than “death tax.”

1 comment June 3rd, 2008 at 10:14pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Constitution,Republicans

Finally!

MSNBC calls the nomination for Obama.

Can we all focus on taking down John McCain now?  Please?

June 3rd, 2008 at 09:48pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Clinton,Democrats,Elections,McCain,Obama,Politics

How To Deflect Bad Pickup Lines

I’m not entirely sure how to describe Woman’s Passions, so I’ll let the shadowy and mysterious Codename V. do it for me:

The author is part of a foreign culture, that much is clear. I have yet to determine which culture, or who her target audience seems to be. It’s safe to say that English is not her first language. I’m not actually convinced she knows English at all. Her writing style suggests someone who knows the basic concepts of English grammar and sentence structure, and who is also armed with a 100 year old thesaurus.

Either that, or she writes in her native language and runs everything through a translator program….

So, without further ado, the Woman’s Passions’ 15 Ways To Tell A Man You Are Not Interested In Him:

1. He: Haven’t we met before?
She: Probably, I work at venereal disease dispensary’s registry.

2. He: It seems, I’ve already met you somewhere?
She: Yes, and that’s why I do not go there any more.

3. He: Is this place free?
She: Yes, and mine will also be released, if you sit down.

4. He: What if we go to my place?
She: I’m not assured we will get together into one dustbin.

5. He: Will we go to your place or mine?
She: Simultaneously. You – to your place, and me – to mine.

6. He: I’d like to call you. What’s your number?
She: It’s in the telephone book.
He: But I even do not know your name!
She: It is also in the directory.

7. He: So than, what do you do in life?
She: I’m a transvestite.

8. He: What’s your sign?
She: Input is prohibited.

9. He: Which eggs do you like for a breakfast?
She: Not impregnating!

10. He: Well, here you are! Do not hide, you are in this club for the same reason, as I…
She: Really? Hooking?

11. He: I’m here to embody your most courageous imaginations!
She: You want to tell you have a goat and a German shepherd?

12. He: I want to score you.
She: Unfortunately, I do not accept cheap gifts.

13. He: If I could see you naked, I would die of happiness.
She: Perhaps, but if I have seen you naked, I would die of laughter.

14. He: For the sake of you I will go down and under…
She: Yes, and maybe you could stay there?

15. He: How do you manage looking so good?
She: I do reverse things to what you do.

Some of these would actually be pretty clever if the language weren’t so incredibly stilted and awkward.  V. snarks on some of them individually, so feel free to head on over there – I’m content to just marvel at them in their unspoiled entirety.

June 3rd, 2008 at 07:25pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weirdness

Life As A Republican

Sucks, don’t it.

(From Married To The Sea)

June 3rd, 2008 at 11:33am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Comics

“Scientists Are Saying The Future Is Going To Be Far More Futuristic Than They Originally Predicted.”

(Quote from Southland Tales)

I was promised flying cars…

Do you have trouble sticking to a diet? Have patience. Within 10 years, Dr. Kurzweil explained, there will be a drug that lets you eat whatever you want without gaining weight.

Worried about greenhouse gas emissions? Have faith. Solar power may look terribly uneconomical at the moment, but with the exponential progress being made in nanoengineering, Dr. Kurzweil calculates that it’ll be cost-competitive with fossil fuels in just five years, and that within 20 years all our energy will come from clean sources.

Are you depressed by the prospect of dying? Well, if you can hang on another 15 years, your life expectancy will keep rising every year faster than you’re aging. And then, before the century is even half over, you can be around for the Singularity, that revolutionary transition when humans and/or machines start evolving into immortal beings with ever-improving software.

At least that’s Dr. Kurzweil’s calculation. It may sound too good to be true, but even his critics acknowledge he’s not your ordinary sci-fi fantasist. He is a futurist with a track record and enough credibility for the National Academy of Engineering to publish his sunny forecast for solar energy.

He makes his predictions using what he calls the Law of Accelerating Returns, a concept he illustrated at the festival with a history of his own inventions for the blind. In 1976, when he pioneered a device that could scan books and read them aloud, it was the size of a washing machine.

Two decades ago he predicted that “early in the 21st century” blind people would be able to read anything anywhere using a handheld device. In 2002 he narrowed the arrival date to 2008. On Thursday night at the festival, he pulled out a new gadget the size of a cellphone, and when he pointed it at the brochure for the science festival, it had no trouble reading the text aloud.

This invention, Dr. Kurzweil said, was no harder to anticipate than some of the predictions he made in the late 1980s, like the explosive growth of the Internet in the 1990s and a computer chess champion by 1998. (He was off by a year — Deep Blue’s chess victory came in 1997.)

“Certain aspects of technology follow amazingly predictable trajectories,” he said, and showed a graph of computing power starting with the first electromechanical machines more than a century ago. At first the machines’ power doubled every three years; then in midcentury the doubling came every two years (the rate that inspired Moore’s Law); now it takes only about a year.

(…)

Now, he sees biology, medicine, energy and other fields being revolutionized by information technology. His graphs already show the beginning of exponential progress in nanotechnology, in the ease of gene sequencing, in the resolution of brain scans. With these new tools, he says, by the 2020s we’ll be adding computers to our brains and building machines as smart as ourselves.

(…)

Dr. Kurzweil’s predictions come under intense scrutiny in the engineering magazine IEEE Spectrum, which devotes its current issue to the Singularity. Some of the experts writing in the issue endorse Dr. Kurzweil’s belief that conscious, intelligent beings can be created, but most think it will take more than a few decades.

He is accustomed to this sort of pessimism and readily acknowledges how complicated the brain is. But if experts in neurology and artificial intelligence (or solar energy or medicine) don’t buy his optimistic predictions, he says, that’s because exponential upward curves are so deceptively gradual at first.

“Scientists imagine they’ll keep working at the present pace,” he told me after his speech. “They make linear extrapolations from the past. When it took years to sequence the first 1 percent of the human genome, they worried they’d never finish, but they were right on schedule for an exponential curve. If you reach 1 percent and keep doubling your growth every year, you’ll hit 100 percent in just seven years.”

I hope he’s right.  I totally can’t wait to become an immortal cyborg.

June 3rd, 2008 at 07:33am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Science,Technology


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