How To Deflect Bad Pickup Lines

June 3rd, 2008at 07:25pm Posted by Eli

I’m not entirely sure how to describe Woman’s Passions, so I’ll let the shadowy and mysterious Codename V. do it for me:

The author is part of a foreign culture, that much is clear. I have yet to determine which culture, or who her target audience seems to be. It’s safe to say that English is not her first language. I’m not actually convinced she knows English at all. Her writing style suggests someone who knows the basic concepts of English grammar and sentence structure, and who is also armed with a 100 year old thesaurus.

Either that, or she writes in her native language and runs everything through a translator program….

So, without further ado, the Woman’s Passions’ 15 Ways To Tell A Man You Are Not Interested In Him:

1. He: Haven’t we met before?
She: Probably, I work at venereal disease dispensary’s registry.

2. He: It seems, I’ve already met you somewhere?
She: Yes, and that’s why I do not go there any more.

3. He: Is this place free?
She: Yes, and mine will also be released, if you sit down.

4. He: What if we go to my place?
She: I’m not assured we will get together into one dustbin.

5. He: Will we go to your place or mine?
She: Simultaneously. You – to your place, and me – to mine.

6. He: I’d like to call you. What’s your number?
She: It’s in the telephone book.
He: But I even do not know your name!
She: It is also in the directory.

7. He: So than, what do you do in life?
She: I’m a transvestite.

8. He: What’s your sign?
She: Input is prohibited.

9. He: Which eggs do you like for a breakfast?
She: Not impregnating!

10. He: Well, here you are! Do not hide, you are in this club for the same reason, as I…
She: Really? Hooking?

11. He: I’m here to embody your most courageous imaginations!
She: You want to tell you have a goat and a German shepherd?

12. He: I want to score you.
She: Unfortunately, I do not accept cheap gifts.

13. He: If I could see you naked, I would die of happiness.
She: Perhaps, but if I have seen you naked, I would die of laughter.

14. He: For the sake of you I will go down and under…
She: Yes, and maybe you could stay there?

15. He: How do you manage looking so good?
She: I do reverse things to what you do.

Some of these would actually be pretty clever if the language weren’t so incredibly stilted and awkward.  V. snarks on some of them individually, so feel free to head on over there – I’m content to just marvel at them in their unspoiled entirety.

Entry Filed under: Weirdness


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