Archive for July 23rd, 2008

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Weekly World News you can use:


1. Your toilet bowl seems to get dirty unusually fast. You clean and disinfect, but before you know it, there’s a nasty ring inside again.  This grime may be coming from an extra-dimensional source.

2. When you flush, the water goes down clockwise. This is unnatural, and indicates the influence of malign entities.

3. When sitting on your toilet, you occasionally feel a gentle breeze on your bottom. Other dimensions send reconnaissance “soldiers” into the pipes to search for innocent prey.  When they sense movement, they gently glide out of the water to check it out and naturally take a few breaths.  That’s what you feel.

4. After a bout of stomach ailments or diarrhea, you suffer from a sudden onset of sadness or depression. This may be the result of spending an inordinate time near a spiritually infested toilet bowl.  You may be the victim of happiness-robbing vibrations coming from other dimensions.

5. You flush and leave the bathroom, only to return awhile later and notice the toilet is still running. This is the worst sign of all.  It’s a signal that the evil spirits have broken through the complex space-time continuum and entered into the earthly dimension.  Bar the bathroom door immediately and leave the house.

I cannot emphasize enough how serious this is.  WWN had a pair of companion stories about the dramatic upswing in trans-dimensional Toilet Disappearances, so the consequences of ignoring these warning signs can be very very dire.

3 comments July 23rd, 2008 at 08:34pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

The Bavarian Candidate

Oh noes!

This is pretty extraordinary. A candidate for the American Presidency is using flyers printed in German to turn people out for his campaign rally in Berlin on Thursday.

That sounds like sarcasm, but it’s not.  Ruffini is genuinely perturbed by this – or at least believes that it’s somehow an effective talking point against Obama:

I’m surprised at this lapse in judgment in an otherwise well-oiled and professional Obama campaign. The last time they printed up campaign paraphenalia in a foreign language, it didn’t work out so hot for them.

So, this isn’t just some sober, high-minded foreign policy speech, part of a foreign trip occurring under the auspices of his official Senate office. It is a campaign rally occuring on foreign soil. They are using the same tactics to turn out Germans to an event as they would to any rally right here in America.

Hey, did you know that German was the official language of THE NAZIS???  This is conclusive proof that Obama is just like Hitler.

(h/t Thers & Blue Texan)

July 23rd, 2008 at 05:58pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Blogosphere,Elections,Obama,Republicans,Wankers

Wanker Of The Day

John McCain, with honorable mention for CBS:

Keith Olbermann led his broadcast tonight with Spencer Ackerman’s report on John McCain’s most recent gaffe: in an interview with Katie Couric, McCain claimed “the surge” was responsible for the “Anbar Awakening” — which actually began in September, 2006, months before the surge was even announced.

The strange thing, as Keith notes, is that CBS edited the gaffe out of its broadcast. Fortunately, they posted a transcript — and video — online.

Once again, John McCain reveals the depth of his foreign policy expertise, and the media demonstrates its clear liberal bias…

But wait, there’s more – John McCain also demonstrates the depth of his commitment to the environment:

And I’d like to mention offshore drilling if I could. My friends, we have to drill offshore. We have to do it! Oil executives say within a couple years we could be seeing results from it. So why not do it?

Well, if the oil executives are in favor, that pretty much settles it, right?  I mean, who could possibly be more trustworthy on the subject of offshore drilling?

July 23rd, 2008 at 07:32am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Elections,Energy,Environment,Iraq,McCain,Media,Politics,Republicans,Wankers

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