Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

3 comments July 23rd, 2008at 08:34pm Posted by Eli

Weekly World News you can use:

SIGNS YOUR TOILET IS A GATEWAY TO ANOTHER DIMENSION

1. Your toilet bowl seems to get dirty unusually fast. You clean and disinfect, but before you know it, there’s a nasty ring inside again.  This grime may be coming from an extra-dimensional source.

2. When you flush, the water goes down clockwise. This is unnatural, and indicates the influence of malign entities.

3. When sitting on your toilet, you occasionally feel a gentle breeze on your bottom. Other dimensions send reconnaissance “soldiers” into the pipes to search for innocent prey.  When they sense movement, they gently glide out of the water to check it out and naturally take a few breaths.  That’s what you feel.

4. After a bout of stomach ailments or diarrhea, you suffer from a sudden onset of sadness or depression. This may be the result of spending an inordinate time near a spiritually infested toilet bowl.  You may be the victim of happiness-robbing vibrations coming from other dimensions.

5. You flush and leave the bathroom, only to return awhile later and notice the toilet is still running. This is the worst sign of all.  It’s a signal that the evil spirits have broken through the complex space-time continuum and entered into the earthly dimension.  Bar the bathroom door immediately and leave the house.

I cannot emphasize enough how serious this is.  WWN had a pair of companion stories about the dramatic upswing in trans-dimensional Toilet Disappearances, so the consequences of ignoring these warning signs can be very very dire.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

3 Comments

  • 1. spocko  |  July 23rd, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    I’m totally on board with this. I’ve been to a few other dimensions and let me tell you, they really suck.

  • 2. Eli  |  July 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    Dubya’s president in all of them, isn’t he. I was afraid of that.

  • 3. Cujo359  |  July 24th, 2008 at 12:31 am

    Sometimes I feel like this is the alternate dimension. I keep thinking that someday I’ll find the Spock who has the beard, the Carter with bad hair, and a bunch of Cybermen in a dirigible.

    BTW, how many toilets disappear into another dimension annually?


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