Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

July 30th, 2008at 11:46am Posted by Eli

I think now we know why the appeals court threw out the $550,000 fine for Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction”:

(By Vickie York)

Jiggly Janet Jackson’s antics at the Super Bowl half-time show enraged many Americans.  But she’s won the gratitude of thousands of people worldwide, who claim they were cured of disease after watching her exposed breast on TV – or simply touching a photograph of it!

Sports fans who tuned into the game and inadvertently got an eyeful of Janet’s bare boob have flooded health departments with letters stating that the sight cured them of a host of medical woes, ranging from cancer to zits.

Perhaps even more incredibly, hundreds of others who only saw the censored image when it was replayed ad nauseum on TV – or touched a still picture in their morning newspaper the next day – also claim to have received miracle cures.

And while angry FCC honchos are investigating Janet and MTV, which produced the half-time show, for possible violation of federal decency rules, folks whose health was restored by the naughty display are begging the agency to give the miracle songbird a break.

“When Justin Timberlake tore Janet’s costume and her breast popped out, I felt a shock go through me,” says 85-year-old Edith F. of Paterson, N.J., who had been confined to a wheel chair due to crippling arthritis since 1993.

“I was so disgusted, I stood up, crossed the room and turned off the TV.  Then I realized what I’d done – I’d walked for the first time in 11 years.  There’s no pain in my legs anymore.  My arthritis has been cured.  Janet’s miracle boob healed me.

“She should be rewarded, not punished.  And they should rebroadcast that moment every chance they get.”

Other amazing accounts:

o A 56-year-old brain cancer patient in Tulsa, Okla., says his tumors vanished overnight after he saw the “accidental” boob-baring episode replayed on Good Morning, America.

o A 24-year-old Shreveport, La., man who suffered from acne for a decade claims viewing the half-time show cleared up his complexion.

o A 35-year-old Topeka, Kan., housewife plagued by hemorrhoids says the condition went away after she touched a censored newspaper photo of the boob-flash.  “I was covering up the picture so my son wouldn’t see it, and the very next time I used the bathroom everything was completely clear.”

While most experts are skeptical, some say it’s conceivable that the shocking event really has medical miracles busting out all over:

“We’ve known for decades now that a shock to the system can sometimes jolt the body back to health,” explains Dr. John Wilson.  “Shocking images can jump-start the body’s own healing mechanisms.”

This would not be the first time that breasts have been shown to possess therapeutic powers in addition to their many other positive qualities.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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