Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

August 20th, 2008at 07:12am Posted by Eli

Space aliens learn that you don’t mess with Texas… air shows:

YEAGER, Texas — Marauding UFOs recently attacked a Texas air show, thinking vintage biplanes would be easy pickings.


“Our annual vintage World War I dogfight had just become airborne at the Yeager Air Grounds,” [stunt pilot Col. Pete Newman, USAF, Ret.] said.

“Bill, Jerry and I were flying low above the grandstands so folks could get a good look at us. As we began to climb we were suddenly intercepted!

“Preceded by a flesh-rattling hum, three UFOs descended majestically from the low clouds. They were the size of oil tankers and coming in fast!

“Two UFOs quickly cornered Bill. He looped, pushed his stick forward and went into a dive to lose them. He almost succeeded . . .

“Meanwhile I had troubles of my own. A second UFO was firing ray beams at me from its underbelly!” Newman said.

“As I glanced behind me, I saw that Bill’s cockpit was empty! The aliens had abducted him!

“His biplane corkscrewed down and smashed into an empty hangar, erupting in flames!

“If only we had ammo instead of blanks!” Newman remembered thinking at the time. “I’m not sure lead would have worked against those big shiny ships, but at least we wouldn’t have felt so helpless.

“I pushed my nose up and headed for a third UFO hovering above. I came in directly under the belly gun. Apparently, that was a blind spot.

“Jerry followed my lead. I was looking to ram the alien mother ship kamikaze-style before it could hurt anyone on the ground. We were betting those ETs didn’t know that maneuver. Jerry and I both had chutes. We could hit the silk right before impact.

“Suddenly, the struts of our wings and the fabric of our fuselages were buffeted by level five wind shear! My heart was in my throat as a shattering sonic boom followed. A moment later, four Air Force F-16s were scorching toward the saucers at the speed of sound.”

Unknown to the preoccupied biplane pilots, their Air Force co-stars, the world famous Angel Squadron, had taken to the air. They were approaching like a flying arrowhead in a tight, deadly formation.

“The F-16s headed straight at the invaders,” Newman continued. “The A-Squad leader opened fire on the UFOs and the other half-dozen jets followed. The Air Force was packing some serious heat-seekers and gave the aliens a taste of its state-of-the-art missiles.

“The UFOs immediately retreated straight up. The F-16s followed and continued to fire at those chicken-yellow extraterrestrials. The crowds cheered as our boys gave chase!

“We knew the outcome all along,” Newman said. “The F-16s had a home-atmosphere advantage. Dodging and evading the ray-gun blasts, the jets pursued their quarry to the upper atmosphere when the UFOs suddenly went hyperlight and vanished. The Angels returned to earth, emitting bursts of red, white and blue smoke as they descended. Then they went into their formation flying show as if nothing had happened.

“Incredibly, the aliens were so scared they de-abducted Bill, who was standing on the airfield. He waved us in as we approached. There were tight embraces and back-slaps all around as we exited our planes.

“I deeply appreciate what the young flyboys did for us, but I can’t help but wonder if Jerry and I could’ve taken the UFOs by our lonesomes,” Newman said.

“Maybe those alien space bullies will return next year and we’ll get a chance to find out.

Favorite turns of phrase: “Flesh-rattling hum”; “de-abducted”.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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