Archive for October 15th, 2008

What McCain Is Up Against

This is not a good omen for St. John Of Maverick…

I just got an astounding e-mail from a Republican consultant I know well. He’s a guy who’s always thought Obama had a “glass jaw,” and was always among those agitating for hitting Obama harder.

Recently, he conducted a focus group in an upper-Midwestern state, showing them the kind of ad he thought would work: A no-holds-barred attack, cut for an independent group, which hasn’t aired.

I’m just going to reprint his amazed e-mail about the focus group:

Reagan Dems and Independents. Call them blue-collar plus. Slightly more Target than Walmart.

Yes, the spot worked. Yes, they believed the charges against Obama. Yes, they actually think he’s too liberal, consorts with bad people and WON’T BE A GOOD PRESIDENT…but they STILL don’t give a f***. They said right out, “He won’t do anything better than McCain” but they’re STILL voting for Obama.

The two most unreal moments of my professional life of watching focus groups:

54 year-old white male, voted Kerry ’04, Bush ’00, Dole ’96, hunter, NASCAR fan…hard for Obama said: “I’m gonna hate him the minute I vote for him. He’s gonna be a bad president. But I won’t ever vote for another god-damn Republican. I want the government to take over all of Wall Street and bankers and the car companies and Wal-Mart run this county like we used to when Reagan was President.”

The next was a woman, late 50s, Democrat but strongly pro-life. Loved B. and H. Clinton, loved Bush in 2000. “Well, I don’t know much about this terrorist group Barack used to be in with that Weather guy but I’m sick of paying for health insurance at work and that’s why I’m supporting Barack.”

That’s how bad it’s gotten for McCain and the GOP.  People are saying, “I don’t care if he’s a terrorist, just so long as he’s not a Republican.”

(h/t Jane; cartoon by Dave Ravenwood)

1 comment October 15th, 2008 at 07:30pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Elections,McCain,Politics,Republicans

Republican Mythbusters

One of the reasons that the Republicans are in such trouble right now is that over the last eight years (and in some cases even more), they have had free rein to act on their most cherished beliefs… and ended up conclusively disproving them.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that the only Republican beliefs that haven’t been discredited are the ones that were abandoned (fiscal responsibility, personal liberty, that sort of thing).

So, what has the Bush administration taught us?

o Tax cuts for the rich do not trickle down to everyone else, nor stimulate the economy, nor increase tax revenue.

o Unfettered free trade does not lead to jobs and prosperity.

o The free market is not a substitute for regulation and oversight.

o Pre-emptive war is not cheap or easy, and does not make the world safer, more stable, or more democratic.

o A weak, ineffectual bureaucracy is not a good thing.  Nor is an all-powerful executive.

o The “family values” party is kinkier and more sadistic than the Marquis himself.

o The “support our troops” party votes against troops and veterans every time.

o The “law and order” party believes the law exists only to protect their friends and smite their enemies.

o The “party of Lincoln” hates and fears black and brown people.  Not to mention gays, women, Muslims, and atheists.

o “Voter fraud” is a hoax.  Vote suppression isn’t.

o “Compassionate conservative” is an oxymoron.

How many did I miss?

1 comment October 15th, 2008 at 11:19am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Politics,Republicans

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

The Obama campaign is rocked by scandal once again:

At a shocking press conference this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.

The boyish looking half brother of undetermined age had been living in a cave in the Karura Forest outside Nairobi, until he was recently discovered by Dr. Robert Ndesango of Kenyatta University. Dr. Ndesango, who had been researching in the cave, was at first startled by the unusual boy, who quickly introduced himself as Obatma. Soon enough, the boy was showing him his part of the cave and pictures he’d drawn on the walls.


Senator Obama stood proudly next to the brother he claims to have first met on a trip to Kenya during the late 1990’s. Michelle Obama declined to attend the announcement and said through a spokeswoman, “That boy is strange. He will not be coming near my house or my kids.”

When asked how Obama’s half brother came to be a half-bat mutant, Obama said it was “a family matter that should remain private.”

Critics question if having a mutant brother could hurt him in the election. Obama replied “There is no greater bond than that of family. Turning my back on him would be like cutting off a limb. From the volcanoes of Hawaii, through the cornfields of Kansas and on to the caves of Kenya, I have lived the American dream and my unique diversity is what truly allows me to be so audacious in my hope.

“Obatma shares my DNA and will be uniquely qualified to understand some of the difficult issues facing mutants in this country and around the world.”

Meanwhile, Senator McCain is gearing up for the final debate.  Literally.

Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems. Sources say he hopes to appear more passably human before the final debate.

McCain’s need for an upgrade comes as no surprise to many insiders.  During the Oct 7th debate his GPS systems were noticeably damaged, causing him to wander aimlessly for much of the evening.

Last month investigators discovered that John McCain had many of his internal organs replaced with cybernetic systems.  Doctors believe his extensive cybernetic infrastructure is the only thing giving him a one in four chance of survival for the next seven years.

Glitches in the Arizona senator’s operating system became most apparent in Dallas when he answered an economic question by engaging his loafer-jets and repeatedly flying headfirst into a wall.  After a quick reboot the senator apologized and went on to talk about tax cuts.

The McCain campaign hopes an upgrade before the Oct. 15th debates will help the senator, who has been behind in polls for weeks, appear more modern and life-like.  GOP cyborg specialist Dennis Fiorino said “Our candidate will receive the most up-to-date software for dealing with twenty-first century problems.  After his Vista upgrade, he will be the best equipped to lead our nation.”

Obama will have his work cut out for him tonight.

October 15th, 2008 at 07:07am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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