Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

November 26th, 2008at 07:19am Posted by Eli

Ashley Dupre, eat your heart out:

For her special this Friday, Diane Sawyer interviewed several unique stories in the sex industry, including a Sasquatch who turned to prostitution to survive.

(…)

It started while she was crossing an intersection one night, lost and trying to find her way back to the wilderness.  A limousine approached the bewildered Sasquatch, and an unnamed elected official propositioned her.  How this unnamed official discreetly bartered for sex with a creature that doesn’t speak English remains unclear.  But it worked and she has been in the business ever since.

Standing at 7’2”, 550 pounds and covered in body hair, she tends to attract a certain kind of man.  Footage shows she is mostly hired by upper class men who want to be pushed around or risk their lives mid-coitus.  If her Prada shoes and matching bag are any indication, she has become quite popular among the well-to-do.

When Diane asked if she was ever scared for her safety at work, the Sasquatch beat on her chest and grunted loudly.  Through a series of gestures she indicated that one customer who tried to get rough had his arm ripped off and was beaten with it until she got tired.

Provided the interview does well, Diane Sawyer has indicated she may turn this into a serial expose on cryptid call girls. The very flexible Lizard Woman is believed to be the obvious next choice.

So, um, has anyone noticed any Republican congressmen mysteriously missing an arm lately?

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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