Archive for January 14th, 2009

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Joe The Plumber Author War Correspondent Hero!

Conservative news outlet PJTV has hired Joe the Plumber to act as a war correspondent in Israel.  Joe said he is determined to show local and international war correspondents “how to do it right”, despite his lack of any journalistic training.  Ready to begin his first report, he had to stop and ask several locals where to find some Hamas rocket shells.

Reporting in front of a devastated school yard, he commented on the brutality of the Hamas rocket attacks.  But the footage had to be scrapped when a passing child informed him that the rubble was actually left by Israeli rocket attacks and that Joe had wandered into Gaza.

On his third day, while staying in Sderot, his hotel was rocked by mortar fire.  After looking out at the mild property damage and one minor injury left by the attack, Joe somberly declared “This has to stop.”

Seeing an imminent threat to the citizens of Sderot, Joe the Plumber waged a one man war on Hamas.  Armed only with two Uzis, duct tape, and a torn denim vest, he invaded nearby Bayt Hanun in Gaza.

During his two day war, Joe the Plumber destroyed several apartment buildings, six mosques, and one day care center.  His battle culminated in jumping out of a second story window after outrunning an explosion he’d set in a community center.  The community center was holding a bake sale believed to be a front for weapons distribution.

In the end, three city blocks were destroyed and over four thousand suspected militants were killed.

Joe will continue reporting on the Gaza situation, and saving Israeli civilians, until a peace agreement is reached.

Who knew that Joe The Whatever was so totally awesome???

January 14th, 2009 at 10:07pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Quien Es Muy Awesome?

Is it this?


…Or this?

LaserDisc Ad

It’s a tough call, all right.  Maybe if we allowed for the use of Photoshop…

January 14th, 2009 at 07:15pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Weirdness

This Just In: Brad Schlozman Is A Despicable Human Being

And a pretty brazen one, at that:

To Bradley Schlozman, they were “mold spores,” “commies” and “crazy libs.”

He was referring to the career lawyers in the Justice Department’s civil rights and voting rights divisions. From 2003 to 2006, Schlozman was a Bush appointee who supervised them. Along with several others, he came to symbolize the midlevel political appointees who brought a hard-edged ideology to the day-to-day workings of the Justice Department.

“My tentative plans are to gerrymander all of those crazy libs right out of the section,” he said in an e-mail in 2003. “I too get to work with mold spores, but here in Civil Rights, we call them Voting Section attorneys,” he confided to another friend.

He hoped to get rid of the “Democrats” and “liberals” because they were “disloyal” and replace them with “real Americans” and “right-thinking Americans.”

He appears to have succeeded by his standards, according to an inspector general’s report released Tuesday. Among the newly hired lawyers whose political or ideological views could be discerned, 63 of 65 lawyers hired under Schlozman had Republican or conservative credentials, the report said.

Slapping down “a bunch of . . . attorneys really did get the blood pumping and was even enjoyable once in a while,” Schlozman wrote three years later when he left to become the U.S. attorney in Kansas City, Mo.

Schlozman surrounded himself with like-minded officials at the Department of Justice. When he was due to meet in 2004 with John Tanner, then chief of the voting section, he asked how Tanner liked his coffee.

“Mary Frances Berry style — black and bitter,” Tanner replied by e-mail, referring to the African American woman who chaired the U.S. Civil Rights Commission from 1993 to 2004. Schlozman circulated the e-mail. “Y’all will appreciate Tanner’s response,” he wrote.


Separately, the U.S. attorney’s office in Washington announced it will not seek to prosecute Schlozman for giving false testimony to Congress. Patricia Riley, a spokeswoman for that office, said acting U.S. Atty. Jeffrey A. Taylor stepped aside, and six career prosecutors looked into the case against Schlozman.

Joseph D. Rich, the former chief of the voting rights section, said the report “confirms the disdain and vitriol they had for career civil rights attorneys. He called us ‘mold spores.’ That kind of epitomizes his view. He was probably the most miserable person I ever worked for,” said Rich, who retired in 2007 after a 37-year career at the Justice Department.

Again, this racist asshole was the head of the Civil Rights Division, which should tell you just how thoroughly ideological and morally bankrupt the Bush administration has been.  Like there’s a lack of other evidence.

January 14th, 2009 at 11:20am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Bush,Corruption/Cronyism,Republicans,Wankers

Wanker Of The Day

Barack Obama.

Barack Obama took the next big step in his Republican charm offensive on Tuesday night, when he dined with several of the nation’s most prominent conservative pundits.

The president-elect arrived at the Chevy Chase, Md., home of syndicated columnist George Will shortly after 6:30 p.m., according to a press pool report. Greeting him at the residence were other luminaries of the conservative commentariat, including the Weekly Standard’s William Kristol, New York Times columnist David Brooks, and Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post.

Yes, I understand, post-partisan unity and all that – but meeting with conservative pundits before meeting with progressive ones?  It looks like he really is going to be a kiss right, kick left president, sucking up to conservatives while snubbing and repudiating progressives.  It’s going to be a long four years, although the eight years after that will probably be even worse…

1 comment January 14th, 2009 at 07:17am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Obama,Politics,Republicans,Wankers

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