Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

January 14th, 2009at 10:07pm Posted by Eli

Joe The Plumber Author War Correspondent Hero!

Conservative news outlet PJTV has hired Joe the Plumber to act as a war correspondent in Israel.  Joe said he is determined to show local and international war correspondents “how to do it right”, despite his lack of any journalistic training.  Ready to begin his first report, he had to stop and ask several locals where to find some Hamas rocket shells.

Reporting in front of a devastated school yard, he commented on the brutality of the Hamas rocket attacks.  But the footage had to be scrapped when a passing child informed him that the rubble was actually left by Israeli rocket attacks and that Joe had wandered into Gaza.

On his third day, while staying in Sderot, his hotel was rocked by mortar fire.  After looking out at the mild property damage and one minor injury left by the attack, Joe somberly declared “This has to stop.”

Seeing an imminent threat to the citizens of Sderot, Joe the Plumber waged a one man war on Hamas.  Armed only with two Uzis, duct tape, and a torn denim vest, he invaded nearby Bayt Hanun in Gaza.

During his two day war, Joe the Plumber destroyed several apartment buildings, six mosques, and one day care center.  His battle culminated in jumping out of a second story window after outrunning an explosion he’d set in a community center.  The community center was holding a bake sale believed to be a front for weapons distribution.

In the end, three city blocks were destroyed and over four thousand suspected militants were killed.

Joe will continue reporting on the Gaza situation, and saving Israeli civilians, until a peace agreement is reached.

Who knew that Joe The Whatever was so totally awesome???

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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