Archive for February 6th, 2009


What is wrong with these people???

The 72-year-old [masturbation-promoting former Surgeon General Jocelyn] Elders would receive just as poor a reception in 2009 from the folks at the Passion for Christ Movement which, along with Dr. Ty @, is engaging in a holy war over spanking the monkey, focusing on young people of color.

Yes, I said it, in fact, I’ll say it again, MASTURBATION! I figure if a few thousand of the millions here on Myspace can expose their breast, proposition you for sex, have degrading music, and nakedness can have the audacity to request me as a friend , then I can say MASTURBATION and tell the truth about it! And given that many of you are doing it or have, let’s talk about it. Since the majority of us have at least a 3rd grade education, I’ll begin by defining what it is.

I have heard it said by many, especially by “Christians”, that masturbation is not sex and even if you don’t have a third grade education, you can clearly see that masturbation is sex. But many like to use that as an excuse to do it so that they can get a little sex without going “all the way”. But whether you have sexual intercourse or sexually manipulate your own genitals to achieve an orgasm, you are having sex. The reason why you masturbate is to achieve an orgasm. And an orgasm is the culmination, the climax of any sexual act, whether it’s with a partner(s) or sex with yourself. And that’s exactly what masturbation is, solo sex.

…Trust me, I’ve been there, and I’d rather have cold, dry sheets than to fondle my self. Two things I’ve come to know about masturbation is this:

1. It brings shame, and…
2. It is addictive

Most people who have engaged in masturbation know that the culmination of this sexual act ends in shame. I don’t have to share with you the thousands of emails of the admittance of this shame because you know all too well since you have experienced it yourself. Curled up in a fetal position, crying, because your bed is even more empty and you’re lonelier than you did before you violated yourself…Because God never created sex so that you could gratify yourself. The dictionary defined masturbation as self abuse…the miss use of yourself. The mistreatment, the manipulation, the exploitation of YOU.

TMI. While this is hysterically bizarre, the sad truth is that, with the unprecedented spread of HIV/AIDS in minority communities, a pious drumbeat to demonize a form of sexual expression that represents safe sex, doesn’t involve the possibility of an unintended pregnancy, and no one gives a rip about if done in private is the last thing young POC need to hear.

So, who here curls up in a fetal ball and cries with self-pitying loneliness after they masturbate?  Show of hands – no, er, your other hand.

3 comments February 6th, 2009 at 10:53pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Religion,Republicans,Weirdness

Friday Quote & Cat Blogging

This week’s quote is from the Naked-Gun-esque cop comedy Loaded Weapon 1:

If you embarrass this department, your pants are going to be dancing with figs!  Is that clear?

And, of course, there’ll be other people’s wee shoe kittens:

That’s just not even fair.

February 6th, 2009 at 11:38am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Cuteness,Friday Quote & Cat Blogging

Republicans Admit To Wanting To Destroy America

Pete Sessions (R-Qaeda) spills the beans:

“Insurgency, we understand perhaps a little bit more because of the Taliban,” Sessions said during a meeting yesterday with Hotline editors. “And that is that they went about systematically understanding how to disrupt and change a person’s entire processes. And these Taliban — I’m not trying to say the Republican Party is the Taliban. No, that’s not what we’re saying. I’m saying an example of how you go about [sic] is to change a person from their messaging to their operations to their frontline message. And we need to understand that insurgency may be required when the other side, the House leadership, does not follow the same commands, which we entered the game with.”


“If they do not give us those options or opportunities then we will then become insurgency of a nature to where we do those things that are necessary to making sure the American public knows what we think the correct answer is,” Sessions said during the 60-minute interview. “So we either work together, or we’re going to find a way to get our message out.”

When pressed to clarify, Sessions said he was not comparing the House Republican caucus to the Taliban, the Muslim fundamentalist group.

“I simply said one can see that there’s a model out there for insurgency,” Sessions said before being interrupted by an aide. The staffer said Sessions was trying to convey that the Republicans need to start thinking about how to act strategically from their perch in the minority.

I guess this explains why they’re so willing to risk political suicide by blowing up the stimulus bill – it’s what their role model would call a “martyrdom operation.”

(Sadly, I fear that if they blow up the stimulus, Obama will take the blame for not capitulating to the right enough, but I don’t think it’s a sure thing either way.)

February 6th, 2009 at 07:30am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Politics,Republicans,Terrorism

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