3 comments February 6th, 2009at 10:53pm Posted by Eli

What is wrong with these people???

The 72-year-old [masturbation-promoting former Surgeon General Jocelyn] Elders would receive just as poor a reception in 2009 from the folks at the Passion for Christ Movement which, along with Dr. Ty @ DaSouth.com, is engaging in a holy war over spanking the monkey, focusing on young people of color.

Yes, I said it, in fact, I’ll say it again, MASTURBATION! I figure if a few thousand of the millions here on Myspace can expose their breast, proposition you for sex, have degrading music, and nakedness can have the audacity to request me as a friend , then I can say MASTURBATION and tell the truth about it! And given that many of you are doing it or have, let’s talk about it. Since the majority of us have at least a 3rd grade education, I’ll begin by defining what it is.

I have heard it said by many, especially by “Christians”, that masturbation is not sex and even if you don’t have a third grade education, you can clearly see that masturbation is sex. But many like to use that as an excuse to do it so that they can get a little sex without going “all the way”. But whether you have sexual intercourse or sexually manipulate your own genitals to achieve an orgasm, you are having sex. The reason why you masturbate is to achieve an orgasm. And an orgasm is the culmination, the climax of any sexual act, whether it’s with a partner(s) or sex with yourself. And that’s exactly what masturbation is, solo sex.

…Trust me, I’ve been there, and I’d rather have cold, dry sheets than to fondle my self. Two things I’ve come to know about masturbation is this:

1. It brings shame, and…
2. It is addictive

Most people who have engaged in masturbation know that the culmination of this sexual act ends in shame. I don’t have to share with you the thousands of emails of the admittance of this shame because you know all too well since you have experienced it yourself. Curled up in a fetal position, crying, because your bed is even more empty and you’re lonelier than you did before you violated yourself…Because God never created sex so that you could gratify yourself. The dictionary defined masturbation as self abuse…the miss use of yourself. The mistreatment, the manipulation, the exploitation of YOU.

TMI. While this is hysterically bizarre, the sad truth is that, with the unprecedented spread of HIV/AIDS in minority communities, a pious drumbeat to demonize a form of sexual expression that represents safe sex, doesn’t involve the possibility of an unintended pregnancy, and no one gives a rip about if done in private is the last thing young POC need to hear.

So, who here curls up in a fetal ball and cries with self-pitying loneliness after they masturbate?  Show of hands – no, er, your other hand.

Entry Filed under: Religion,Republicans,Weirdness


  • 1. woody  |  February 7th, 2009 at 10:29 am

    If men could auto-fellate, we’d never leave the house…

  • 2. Eli  |  February 7th, 2009 at 10:30 am

    Because we’d be perpetually crying and curled up in a fetal ball of loneliness and shame, right?

  • 3. Adam  |  March 10th, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    I am glad to see someone taking a stand against the anti-masturbation foolishness in some parts of the church. Yes, the Word of God forbids many sexual things, but Solo Sex is not one of them. As I point out on the website to which my signature gives a link, masturbation is a wonderful gift from God.

    Someone coined the slogan, “Sex Can Wait; Masturbate.” If young people would be ENCOURAGED to privately take matters into their own hands it would be so much easier for them to lead a chaste and pure life.

    Thanks to Eli for his excellent and powerful post.

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