Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

February 11th, 2009at 06:29pm Posted by Eli

Turns out the repercussions of A-Rod’s steroid use are even farther-reaching than we thought:

Alex Rodriguez has admitted to taking performance-enhancing drugs, and all the angels in the heavens above have wept as one.

“There’s nothing serious in mortality,” said Yankees manager Joe Girardi in a statement.  “The wine of life is drawn.  All is but toys; renown and grace are dead.”

“We’re really hoping A-Rod will make a big effort to stay clean,” he added.

(…)

As the words of his admission echoed through space, a single celestial chorus exploded into a sorrowful harmony, and divine tears descended upon the earth like torrential rain.

“The very sun itself has gone dark in our eyes,” said Steve Grabowevich, an electrician and devoted Yankees fan.  “There’s no savor to our bread, no quenching to our water, no joy to our wine.  Love never shall return to me, never never never never never.”

(…)

For now, heaven and earth together await the final judgment: Will A-Rod still make the hall of fame?

I lived in New York for 20 years, and I had no idea Yankee fans were so… articulate.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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